What Is "Traditional Marriage"?

Blogger Archie Levine passes along an excellent editorial in the wake of the recent decision overturning Prop 8:

Traditional Marriage Perverts the Tradition of Marriage

...which traditional definition of marriage do we want our Constitution to protect?

...The one from Book of Genesis when family values meant multiple wives and concubines?
...Or the marriages of the Middle Ages when women were traded like cattle and weddings were too bawdy for church?
...Since this is America, should we preserve marriage as it existed in 1776 when arranged marriages were still commonplace?
...Or the traditions of 1850 when California became a state and marriage was customarily between one man and one woman-or-girl of age 11 and up?
...Or are we really seeking to protect a more modern vision of traditional marriage, say from the 1950s when it was illegal for whites to wed blacks or Hispanics?
...Or the traditional marriage of the late 1960s when couples were routinely excommunicated for marrying outside their faith?

No, the truth of the matter is, that we're trying to preserve traditional marriage the way it "was and always has been" during a very narrow period in the late 70s / early 80s - just before most of us found out that gays even existed: Between one man and one woman of legal age and willing consent. Regardless of race or religion (within reason). Plus the chicken dance and the birdseed.

Read it. Read it all. It's worth the time it takes.

An Old Fable, Updated:

Latest Newspaper Column:

One day, Chicken Little was out for his walk when an acorn fell from a tree and hit him on the head. Chicken Little was a very silly chicken, so he immediately thought the worst.

"The sky is falling!" he screamed. "I have to go tell someone!"

So Chicken Little ran and ran until he came upon Foxy Loxy.

"Where are you going so fast, Chicken Little?" said Foxy Loxy.

"The sky is falling!" Chicken Little said. "I have to go tell someone!"

"Why don't you go on my television network?" said Foxy Loxy. "You can tell everyone that the sky is falling. And get your friend Henny Penny to go on the radio, and your friend Goosey Lucy to start a blog. Tell the people that the sky is falling, and that it's all the president'sfault. He and all his socialist buddies."

"What's a socialist?" Chicken Little asked.

"Who cares?" Foxy Loxy said. "It sounds bad, and people are afraid of it."

"Well..."

"How about if I pay you a lot of money?" Foxy Loxy said.

"Why didn't you say so before?" said Chicken Little.

So Chicken Little called Henny Penny and Goosey Lucy, and they all started going around on TV and radio and the Internet, insisting that, not only was the sky falling, but that it was all the fault of the President and the socialists.

Chicken Little often broke down in tears on camera because, he said, he was so afraid for the country. People were badly frightened, butthey kept tuning in. They often sent the things they heard to everyone they knew via e-mail, so the fear continued to spread.

One day, Chicken Little went to visit Foxy Loxy.

"Some people are beginning to say that the sky isn't falling after all," he complained.

"Looks like someone's drunk the Kool-Aid." Foxy Loxy laughed.

"What?" Chicken Little said.

"It's just a meaningless expression," Foxy Loxy explained. "You say it when anyone says the sky's not really falling."

"Some people are saying I was just hit on the head by an acorn."

"That's part of the liberal media conspiracy," Foxy Loxy said. "You can't believe anything they say."

"But if the sky is falling," Chicken Little asked. "Why aren't we all dead?"

"Chicken Little," Foxy Loxy said, "Do you like getting your paycheck?"

"Sure," Chicken Little answered.

"Do you really think there's any money in telling people the sky is NOT falling?"

"I guess you're right," Chicken Little said. "But aren't there other things we can scare people with?"

Foxy Loxy looked suspicious. "Like what?"

"Like I heard that there are people who are making big messes and poisoning the water and the air. And some other big companies are cheating people of their money."

"Chicken Little," Foxy Loxy said patiently, "Those people are big advertisers on my TV network. If you make people afraid of them, they might demand that the government do something about it. If the government does that, they'll make less money. If they make less
money...."

"We'll make less money?" Chicken Little said.

"Exactly. And only a socialist would want something like that to happen. You're not a socialist, are you?"

"Heck, no!" Chicken Little said. "I don't even know what that is!"

"Very good," Foxy Loxy said. "So what do we tell the people?"

"The sky is falling. And it's the president's fault. Him and the socialists."

"That's my boy," said Foxy Loxy. "Now get out there and spread that fear."

So they all got back to work telling everyone that the socialists and the president were all part of a big conspiracy that was making the sky fall. Anyone who tried to say different was told they were Kool-Aid drinking socialists. And they all got rich and lived happily ever after.

Well, Chicken Little and his friends did, at least. Everyone who listened to them spent all their time being scared and angry and mistrustful, afraid that the sky was falling.

But, of course, it never did.

Every Now and Then, One of Them Comes Up Sane

Former G.W. Bush speechwriter David Frum and I would probably disagree on just about everything. But he's one of the few n the Right who's willing to be honest and push back against some of their more ridiculous nonsense.

In this great piece, he takes on the whole "Obama is a socialist" malarkey:

Why didn’t Obama—the alleged socialist—fight for the public option? Why didn’t Obama—the alleged socialist—follow the recommendation of many, including Paul Krugman and Rep. David Obey, that the stimulus be much larger than what he ultimately proposed? Why didn’t Obama—the alleged socialist—give the American people just a small taste of real socialism and, at least, temporarily nationalize the large banks? (After all, even George W. Bush’s administration nationalized AIG, the largest insurance company in the world. Is Bush a socialist? Is Ben Bernanke? Is Henry Paulson)? Why didn’t Obama support a financial regulation bill that would actually break up the big banks and link bankers’ compensation to institutional performance? Why didn’t Obama withdraw American forces from Afghanistan as soon as logistically possible—why did he increase American forces there? Wouldn’t the fiscal savings have helped with the “transition” to socialism? I know I know—according to Kurtz, this is all part of the plan. But if this is the plan, the plan doesn’t really make much sense, does it?

The whole thing is worth a read.

Revenge of the Reviewed

Via Galleycat, literary critic Janice Harayda brings you the The Worst Negative Book Review Clichés, proving that book reviewers are often as unimaginative, if not more,  than the authors they pan.

The top 5 are:

1. "cardboard characters"

2. "thin plot"

3. "cookie-cutter characters"

4. "the book falls apart at the end"

5. "I just didn't *care* about the characters."

You know,  we're often advised not to respond to negative reviews. It never does any good, and can lead you to be accused of being an "author behaving badly" by the type of reviewer that regards authors as something akin to domestic  employees, and who doesn't care for it when "the help"  gets uppity.

 But I think a simple link to Harayda's article might be apropos if some reviewer commits one of those cliches. What say you?

The Secret Weapon

Latest Newspaper Column (the Director's Cut):

HOST: Good evening, and welcome to "Amazing Inventions." I'm your host, Lana Lagniappe. Our guest tonight is is Doctor Dietrich Telefunken, and he'll be explaining his latest creation.

TELEFUNKEN: Thank you, Lana. As you may know, the media is overrun with liberal terrorist loving scum who hate America.

HOST: I'm not sure I know anything of the kind...

TELEFUNKEN: Since true conservative patriots are always outnumbered by the evil liberals trying to silence them, I have developed something to offset the numerical imbalance. I present to you... the Wingbot 5000.

HOST: It looks like some sort of robot...

WINGBOT 5000: I AM NOT A ROBOT. LIBERALS ARE THE REAL ROBOTS.

HOST: It talks!

TELEFUNKEN: It does more than talk! Thanks to its advanced conservative programming, it is a match for any liberal in any debate. We can deploy thousands of them to go on television, talk radio, blogs, editorial pages, you name it.

HOST: How does it work?

TELEFUNKEN: The basic program is very simple. It responds to certain keywords with arguments from the best conservative thinkers. Try it. Give it an issue.

HOST: Okay...how about taxes?

WINGBOT 5000: AMERICANS ARE BEING TAXED INTO THE POORHOUSE.

HOST: But isn't it true that the majority of Americans have gotten a tax cut in the last couple of years?

WINGBOT 5000: I REFUDIATE THAT.

HOST: It's right there in...wait a minute. Did you say 'refudiate"?

WINGBOT 5000: YES.

HOST: I don't think that's a word.

WINGBOT 5000: SAYS WHO?

HOST: The dictionary.

WINGBOT 5000: THE DICTIONARY HAS A LIBERAL BIAS. SARA PALIN USED THE WORD. THAT'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR REAL NON-ELITE AMERICANS.

HOST: Heh. It sounds like she's channeling George Bush.

WINGBOT 5000: WHEN IS BARACK OBAMA GOING TO STOP BLAMING THE PREVIOUS ADMINISTRATION AND TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR ANYTHING?

HOST: What? Where did that come from?

TELEFUNKEN: Like I said, it reacts to keywords. Whenever anyone mentions George W. Bush...

WINGBOT 5000: WHEN IS BARACK OBAMA GOING TO STOP...

TELEFUNKEN: That's fine, Wingbot. Try another issue, Ms. Lagniappe.

HOST: Ummm...okay. How about racism?

WINGBOT 5000: I'M NOT RACIST IT'S YOU LIBERAL ELITES WHO ARE RACIST WHY DON'T YOU TALK ABOUT HOW RACIST THE NAACP IS,

HOST: Let me get this straight. The NAACP is racist?

WINGBOT 5000: THE SHERROD CASE PROVES IT.

HOST: How? They were so sensitive to charges of racism that they denounced Sherrod immediately. They were wrong about her, and they had to apologize but how does that make them racist?

WINGBOT 5000: BZZZZ....BLURP....

HOST: What's wrong with it?

TELEFUNKEN: Just wait.

WINGBOT 5000: EVERYONE KNOWS THE NAACP IS RACIST.

TELEFUNKEN: You see? Nothing gets through the logic shields! Nothing! HAHAHAA!

HOST: But it never answers my questions!

WINGBOT 5000: IT'S LIBERALS WHO NEVER ANSWER QUESTIONS.

HOST: What?

TELEFUNKEN: Try another issue.

HOST: Well...okay. How about global climate change?

WINGBOT 5000: AL GORE SAID HE INVENTED THE INTERNET. HA. HA. HA.

TELEFUNKEN: Ha! Good one! He lives in a big house, too!

HOST: But that doesn't have anything to to with the issue!

WINGBOT 5000: IT WAS A JOKE. LIBERALS HAVE NO SENSE OF HUMOR.

HOST: That story's not even true.

WINGBOT 5000: HOW DARE YOU SAY I'M LYING. YOU'RE TRYING TO REPRESS MY FIRST AMENDMENT RIGHTS. THIS IS ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF WHY YOU LIBERALS ARE THE REAL FASCISTS.

HOST: This is getting ridiculous.

WINGBOT 5000: IT'S LIBERALS LIKE YOU WHO ARE RIDICULOUS. WHY CAN YOU NOT MAKE A POINT WITHOUT NAME CALLING.

HOST: Are you kidding? You've done nothing but call people names!

TELEFUNKEN: So?

HOST: So you said it could argue! It doesn't put forth any arguments! All it does is throw out random insults and claim that "it's liberals who are the real"...whatever.

WINGBOT 5000: IT'S LIBERALS WHO ARE REALLY THE ONES WHO THROW OUT RANDOM INSULTS.

HOST: It's doing it again!

WINGBOT 5000: IT'S LIBERALS WHO ARE REALLY THE ONES WHO ARE DOING IT AGAIN.

HOST: Okay, turn it off.

WINGBOT 5000: REPRESSION! FASCISM! SECOND AMENDMENT REMEDIES! JEREMIAH WRIGHT! WHERE'S THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE! TONY REZKO! MUSLIM! MUSLIM! MEDIA ELITE! REFUDIATE! REFUDIATE!

HOST: Make it stop! It's gone crazy!

WINGBOT 5000: IT'S LIBERALS WHO HAVE REALLY GONE CRAZY!

TELEFUNKEN: You can't stop it. In fact, we're thinking of running it for Congress. We've even done some polling.

HOST: Don't tell me...

TELEFUNKEN: It was the clear front-runner.

HOST: Sigh. Of course. For "Amazing Inventions". I'm Lana Lagniappe. Good night, and God help us all.

The Nicest Man In The World

Meet the Australian Who's Saved 160 People from Suicide

Don Ritchie lives across the street from the most famous suicide spot in Australia: A cliff known as "The Gap." Most people would move, but Ritchie's stayed for almost 50 years—saving an estimated 160 people from suicide.

So what's his big secret? Ritchie wakes up every morning and looks out the window for "anyone standing alone too close to the precipice." If he sees someone who looks like they might be contemplating a jump, he walks over and... strikes up a conversation.

He just gives them a warm smile, asks if they'd like to talk and invites them back to his house for tea. Sometimes, they join him.

Every time I'm about to give up on the human race, someone like this comes along.