The Well Truly Has No Bottom

You know, after my last column, I didn't think there was anyone who would be low enough to rise to defend the late Fred Phelps and the Westboro Baptist Church. When even the usual gang of haters fell silent (the ones who show up every week to tell me how uninteresting they find the column they read every week), I thought there would finally be someone so vile, even the wingnuttiest of the wingnuts wouldn't throw in their lot with them.

I was wrong.

Thank you, ******* **** of Carthage, NC for your letter (yes, an actual mailed letter) that proved to me there actually are people in my own town who will defend picketing the funerals of slain children, murder victims, and soldiers fallen in the service of their country, all in the name of hate and in the name of God. Thank you, ******* **** of Carthage, NC for proving that the well of hate, ignorance and abject stupidity truly has no bottom.

Dusty

PS: Thank you especially for attaching a copy of the column to your note, because I certainly would not have known what I'd written otherwise. Also thanks for attaching the obit from Time Magazine with the highlighted sentence that you think proves your point, but which actually does nothing of the sort. If you hadn't done that, I might not have realized I was dealing with a complete dimwit.

Yours in Christ, D

(Updated to remove the actual name, since this sort of idiot would use it to whine and play the martyr.)

Goodbye,Mr. Phelps. You Failed.

The Pilot Newspaper: Columns

On March 19, Fred Phelps, founder and pastor of the Westboro Baptist Church, passed away in a hospice in Kansas. You have to admit, he was an easy guy to hate.

Members of the WBC became famous in recent years, not just for their virulent anti-gay stance, but in the way they expressed it: by picketing funerals.

Phelps and his crew started off by picketing in parks in their hometown of Topeka, Kan., because said parks were supposedly sites for gay activity. Soon they were making headlines for protesting at the funerals of gay murder victims, such as Matthew Shepard, waving signs that said that Shepard was in hell and especially that “God Hates Fags,” a phrase which became the slogan most identified with the church.

Quickly, however, they decided to expand the group of people they were trying to offend to, well, just about everyone. They began picketing the funerals of American soldiers killed overseas in 2005, because, Phelps said, combat deaths were God’s punishment for America’s “tolerance” of homosexuals.

I must confess, when I saw a picture of a WBC sign that said “Thank God For Dead Soldiers,” I had to wonder if this wasn’t some bizarre piece of performance art meant to discredit the anti-gay rights movement. (They also once picketed a store for selling Swedish-made vacuum cleaners — because, I guess, Sweden was too gay for them).)

But no, it eventually became clear that these wackaloons were serious. They picketed the funerals of people killed in the Sago Mine disaster. They picketed the funeral of Mister Rogers. They picketed the funeral of the 9-year-old girl killed in the same shooting that wounded Rep. Gabrielle Giffords. They stomped on the American flag at the gates of Camp Lejeune after the murder of Marine Lance Cpl. Maria Lauterbach (even though there was zero evidence that Lauterbach was gay).

Their philosophy could best be summed up by a song the church once recorded, a parody of “We Are the World” called “God Hates the World.” And everywhere they went, you saw Phelps grinning his ghastly death’s-head grin and looking like The Beast from “Poltergeist II.”

He was the living, hideous symbol of the worst hatred and bigotry in America, a man who made you grit your teeth whenever you admitted, as the Supreme Court ruled in one case brought against him, that freedom of speech extended even to the most egregiously offensive speech imaginable.

Now he’s gone. So how should we react to the death of someone so completely horrible? Quite a few tweets and Facebook comments called for either dancing or performing — shall we say — other functions upon Phelps’ grave. Others called for studiously ignoring the event.

My favorite suggestion, however, was from a former Baptist minister who came out a few years ago and now blogs under the title of “The Gay Christian”: “My final prayer is that people do show up to his funeral as a show of pageantry. I hope they show up with large, decorated signs and billboards. I hope they line the streets leading to the funeral home, and I hope that they make sure they are seen. Finally, I hope every one of those billboards and signs read, ‘We forgive you.’”

Now, I understand how that would be hard for some, and downright impossible for others. There’s no way anyone can judge a mother of a dead son or daughter targeted by Phelps if she can’t bring herself to forgive him and his followers for publicly insisting that her child’s death was God’s judgment or that the child was at that moment burning in hell.

But I had to smile when I saw the picture of a group of counter-demonstrators who showed up at the first WBC protest after Phelps’ death with a banner that simply said “Sorry for Your Loss.”

Fred Phelps once told an interviewer that if people hated him, he felt he was doing his job right. Maybe it’s time for people, every day, to show Fred Phelps, wherever he is, just how badly he failed, by not hating anyone, even him, the way he and his flock hated others.

Prince of Peace, Lord of War

The Pilot Newspaper: Opinion

It seems that God and guns have become inextricably intertwined in the minds of some Americans, to the point where “Praise the Lord and Pass the Ammunition” may be turning from a humorous World War II novelty tune into an actual hymn.

For example, a couple of churches have made the news recently for giving not alms to the poor, but arms to their parishioners. Grace Baptist Church in Troy, N.Y., even advertised its giveaway of a brand-new AR-15 with a quote from John 14:27: “My peace I give unto you.”

Fear not, however, that the arms may fall into the hands of the iniquitous. According to the story in The Albany Times Union, the winner would have to pass a background check before receiving his gun. One would think God’s approval shown to the winner of the drawing by having his ticket pulled would be better than a background check, but I guess they need to render unto Caesar and all that.

Meanwhile, down in Paducah, Ky., the Lone Oak First Baptist Church held a big steak dinner at which 25 guns were raffled off.

“I brought a gun with me tonight,” Pastor Chuck McAlister told the congregation. “I know that’s controversial.”

It also suggests a certain lack of trust in his flock, but whatever.

“This issue is not guns,” McAlister told Fox News Detroit’s Charlie McDuff. “The issue is men’s hearts. Men who have their hearts changed through a personal relationship with Jesus Christ will handle guns responsibly.”

Men, one supposes, like Austin Ruse of the Catholic Family & Human Rights Institute. According to Ruse’s bio, he has briefed a variety of government officials, including “members of the U.S. House and Senate,” as well as “White House and National Security Council staff.” He has “appeared on a number of national cable network programs discussing U.N. and Catholic issues, including news programs on CNN, CBS News, MSNBC and Fox News.” His writing career has included publication in right-leaning magazines and “on sites such as the National Review Online, Weekly Standard, Human Events, Touchstone, as well as newspapers around the world.”

So last week, Ruse went on American Family Radio and had this to say about a story of the Duke student who revealed that she’s putting herself through college by appearing as an adult-film actress:

“My daughters go to a little private religious school, and we pay an arm and a leg for it precisely to keep them away from all of this kind of nonsense. I do hope that they go to a Christian college or university and to keep them so far away from the hard left, human-hating people that run modern universities, who should all be taken out and shot.”

Got that? This good Christian, this adviser to legislators and presidents, whose organization’s mission statement says its purpose is “to defend life and family,” says that people with whom he disagrees should be “taken out and shot.”

This is a version of Christ’s love with which I am not familiar. Aren’t you guys glad that this believer is probably well-armed?

In fact, it seems like this whole idea of Jesus as the Prince of Peace is a little too wimpy for a lot of the folks at the American Family Association, owner of the above-mentioned American Family Radio.

The AFA’s executive vice president, William (Jerry) Boykin, a former lieutenant general in the U.S. Army, recently told an audience at the Pro-Family Legislators Conference in Dallas that when Jesus returns in triumph, “that sword he’ll be carrying when he comes back is an AR-15.” As the crowd laughed, he reiterated: “The sword today is an AR-15. If you don’t have one, go get one. You’re supposed to have one. It’s biblical.”

Funny, one would think the Son of the God who “thunders with his majestic voice, and … does not restrain the lightnings when his voice is heard” (Job 37:4) wouldn’t need small arms. And it’s true that Jesus did say “all they that take the sword shall perish with the sword,” and something about “turning the other cheek,” but really, who is this biblical Jesus anyway that he can argue with a former lieutenant general who tells us that owning an assault rifle is a biblical imperative?

More and more, it looks like America’s gun aficionados are remaking God in their image, and that God of theirs sure does like guns. In a few years, will crossed rifles take their place on the altar beside the actual cross?

You might think it’ll never happen, but I never thought I’d see churches giving away guns, either.

Not Even Trying To Pretend They Have Any Principles

Ted Cruz on Syria: "No decision by an elected official is more serious than whether to send our armed forces into conflict. President Obama was right to seek Congress’s authorization to use military force against Syria. But having carefully considered the president’s substantive arguments, I am compelled to vote against the requested authorization."

 Ted Cruz on Ukraine: “You’d better believe that Putin sees that in Syria, Obama draws a red line and ignores the red line. You’d better believe that Putin sees all over the world.”

So the man who voted to tie the President's hands on Syria is now saying Obama's weakness on the "red line" is what brought on the Ukraine crisis. 

Jesus, they're not even trying to cover up the fact that they have no principles whatsoever, other than "Whatever Obama does is wrong." 

The Long Con

The Pilot Newspaper: Opinion

Two weeks ago, the right-wing faithful gathered for the annual Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC). It’s an event where the princes and princesses of Wingnuttia appear to rally the troops, stir the fear, and crack open the wallets and pocketbooks of donors.

It’s kind of like a Burning Man Festival for right-wingers, except instead of weed and hallucinogens, the CPAC attendees are high on paranoia, resentment and belligerence, and the CPAC headliners are more than happy to give them their fix.

Soon-to-be-ex-Rep. Michele Bachmann, for instance, gave a radio interview from CPAC in which she claimed that the reason Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer recently vetoed Arizona’s “turn away the gays” bill was that gay people had “bullied” the American people.

Bachmann also suggested using the Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations (RICO) Act to arrest people who “intimidate” billionaire donors to the Republican Party.

Yeah, Michele, it’s totally the straight people and the billionaires in this country being bullied. Why, I heard that just yesterday, a couple of gay people took Gov. Brewer’s lunch money and stuffed her in her locker, and I heard someone pantsed the Koch brothers in the lunchroom.

We’re so fortunate that we have people like Rep. Bachmann to speak for the oppressed, if by “oppressed” you mean “straight, extremely rich white people.” And by the way, Michele, if I was under investigation by the FBI for money laundering and wire fraud, as you are, I wouldn’t be bringing up RICO. It might give them ideas.

When it comes to spreading the fear, however, there’s no one to match NRA President Wayne LaPierre. In a thunderous speech on March 6, LaPierre delivered the kind of doom-laden paranoid rant once restricted to unwashed men on street corners wearing sandwich boards proclaiming that the end is nigh.

We need all the guns we can get our hands on, LaPierre said, because “we know, in the world that surrounds us, there are terrorists and there are home invaders, drug cartels, carjackers, knockout gamers and rapers, and haters and campus killers, and airport killers, shopping mall killers, and killers who scheme to destroy our country with massive storms of violence against our power grids, or vicious waves of chemicals or disease that could collapse our society that sustains us all.”

Wow. I’m sure glad I’m not him. Anyone who walks around this terrified all the time must be miserable. By the way, I’m not sure how a big stash of guns is supposed to help against “vicious waves of chemicals or disease,” but whatever.

No right-wing gathering would be complete, of course, without the appearance of the Quitta From Wassilla, half-term Gov. Sarah Palin.

And once again, Saint Sarah of the Snows did not disappoint. She delivered another parody of “Green Eggs and Ham” (“I do not like this kind of hope, and we won’t take it nope, nope, nope”) that was later revealed to be plagiarized from a chain email making the rounds two years ago.

She then proceeded to plagiarize from the NRA in suggesting a solution to the current crisis in Ukraine. “Mr. President,” she declaimed, “the only way to stop a bad guy with a nuke is a good guy with a nuke.”

Wait, what? Did the Resigning Woman seriously just suggest using nukes to get Russia out of the Crimea?

Naaah, at least not by any real definition of “serious.” Palin knows she’s never going to get within a mile of the nuclear button, just as Wayne LaPierre knows his collection of gold-plated AR-15’s isn’t going to defend us against “chemicals and disease,” and Michele Bachmann knows that billionaires aren’t really being intimidated.

They, and the other headliners at CPAC, are all part of the most massive and successful Long Con in the history of this country: the modern conservative movement. It’s all about filling their coffers with contributions from people in the freest, richest country in the world whom they’ve convinced that a Stalinist gulag is right around the corner and that their stuff is about to be looted from them any moment by Those People.

And it works. Palin’s own “Sarah PAC,” for example, raised and spent more than $1.2 million last year — only $10,000 of which went to actual candidates. The rest went for “operations,” including “consultant costs” and “travel expenses,” according to FEC campaign filings. Nice work if you can get it.

Whatever their original purpose, far right fear-a-paloozas like CPAC, and the conservative movement itself, have devolved into serving two purposes: lining the pockets of grifters like Sarah Palin and Wayne LaPierre, and reminding us why they should never be let near the levers of power.

In both those respects, CPAC was a resounding success.

Yeah, You're Just Full of Christ's Love.

Right Wing Watch:

Austin Ruse runs an outfit called the Catholic Family & Human Rights Institute. According to his bio, "He has briefed members of the U.S. House and Senate on U.N. matters, as well as briefing White House and National Security Council staff. Ruse has also briefed senior government officials, journalists, Church and non-governmental leaders from around the world.He has appeared on a number of national cable network programs discussing UN and Catholic issues, including news programs on CNN, CBS News, MSNBC, and Fox News. Ruse has published in First Things, Washington Times, National Review Online, Weekly Standard, Human Events, Touchstone, as well as newspapers around the world."

So last week he goes on American Family Radio and has this to say about the story of the Duke student who revealed that she's putting herself through college by appearing as an adult-film actress:

That is the nonsense that they teach in women’s studies at Duke University, this is where she learned this. The toxic stew of the modern university is gender studies, it’s “Sex Week,” they all have “Sex Week” and teaching people how to be sex-positive and overcome the patriarchy. My daughters go to a little private religious school and we pay an arm and a leg for it precisely to keep them away from all of this kind of nonsense. I do hope that they go to a Christian college or university and to keep them so far away from the hard left, human-hating people that run modern universities, who should all be taken out and shot.

Got that? This good Christian Right Winger, whose organization's mission statement says their purpose is "to defend life and family at international institutions," advocates the execution of people with whom he disagrees.

Remind me again of who the fascists are in American politics?

Then, when Right Wing Watch reported Ruse's words verbatim, he lashed out again:

“The pajama boys over at Right Wing Watch have their panties all in a twist about what I said, and I sometimes think that the left is really dumb, these are the low-information voters that make all of these mistakes when they get into the ballot box and all of these mistakes as they go through their lives and one of the reasons is because they are so dumb,” he said.

So after calling people "dumb" and "pajama boys" (whatever the hell that means in wingnutspeak), he "criticized them as “smear merchants” who “call [people] names.”

The Party of Love, ladies and gentlemen. I'm sure the Church is proud of its defenders.