Radical Ties

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(Sorry for the delay, I'm still digging out from under the work that piled up while I was at Bouchercon)

Folks, I've found out something very serious about Barack Obama.

I have discovered that Obama has close ties to a dangerous radical.

Obama has called this radical a "close personal friend." He has taken thousands of dollars in campaign contributions from this man. Obama has made numerous public appearances with this man and called him a "great American."

Who is this dangerous man with whom Barack Obama has these ties? He is a convicted felon who has served time in federal prison. He admits, in print, to plotting the firebombing of the Brookings Institution in order to create a diversion so that he could break in and steal documents.

He has admitted, again in print, to plotting the assassination of journalists and others he saw as enemies. And not once since the 1970's when he plotted all these things has he exhibited an ounce of remorse. In fact, this man has gone on the radio and instructed listeners in the best method of killing law-enforcement officers: "Head shots, head shots. ... Kill the sons of bitches!"

I have also, my good friends, found out some very disturbing things about Jill Biden, the wife of vice-presidential candidate Joe Biden. Mrs. Biden, it seems, belonged for seven years to a radical
organization founded by a man who had expressed in clear and unambiguous terms his hatred for the United States.

This man has stated: "The fires of hell are frozen glaciers compared to my hatred for the American government. I won't be buried under their damn flag, I've got no use for America or her damned institutions." Moreover, get this: Senator Biden actually appeared on tape to address this group's convention, told them they were an "important part of the political process" and urged them to "keep up the good work."

Outrageous, you say? By golly, you're right! People with associations like that should never be allowed anywhere near the reins of government. They're radicals who don't see America the way we do.

Oh, wait. I seem to have made a mistake. Not about the people with whom the candidates and their spouses were associated. I seem, however, to have slipped up and gotten the candidates wrong. Sorry. Just go back and for "Barack Obama," substitute "John McCain," and for "Jill Biden" substitute "Todd Palin," husband of V.P candidate Sarah "Winky" Palin (or, as he's called in Alaska, "the First Dude.")

I feel really foolish for making a mistake like that. See, McCain has closer ties to convicted Watergate felon G. Gordon Liddy than Obama ever had to former Weather Underground member Bill Ayers -- who, let's remember, committed most of his outrages when Obama was 8 years old.

Liddy was sentenced to 20 years in federal prison on conspiracy, burglary and wiretapping charges. After his sentence was commuted to five years (by, of all people, Jimmy Carter), Liddy spent years biting the hand that freed him, reinventing himself as the one of the Far Right's favorite raging lunatics. (Seriously. I've heard the man speak and even asked a question of him during the Q&A portion of his presentation. He is charming, witty, articulate, and as crazy as a rat in a coffee can).

He has also, as noted above, donated thousands of dollars to McCain as well as holding fundraisers for McCain at his home, according to The Chicago Tribune. He's hosted the senator on his radio show, where McCain said, "I'm proud of you." It is not clear whether McCain was proudest of the felony record, the conspiracy to commit arson and burglary, or the advocacy of murdering federal law-enforcement officers.

As for the First Dude, he's was a member for seven years of the Alaska Independence Party. The AIP was founded by a fellow named Joseph Vogler, whose damnation of the United States of America makes the Rev. Jeremiah Wright's out-of-context soundbites sound like Lee Greenwood singing "God Bless the U.S.A." The AIP, as its name implies, was originally founded to advocate Alaska's secession from the Union.

It is not true, by the way, that Gov. Winky was herself a card-carrying member of a secessionist party. It is, true, however, that she went on videotape to address their convention, telling them to "keep up the good work."

OK, now that we've established that both candidates and their running mates have associations that make some people cringe, let's get away from party-specific indignation and hope the candidates start talking about issues that really mean something, like the economy.

I know that's tough for you McCainiacs; after all, one of your own senior campaign staffers told The New York Daily News, "if we talk about the economy, we're going to lose."

But that is the real issue the American people think is important.

Isn't it?