Marketing: Joe Quinn Is Doing It Wrong

So this guy's called my office a couple of times, identifying himself as "Joe Quinn" and claiming to be a potential DWI client. When Lynn asks him if he'd like to make an appointment, he gets rude to her and says he'll only talk to me (mistake #1, as Lynn is also my wife).

The area code on the message looks a little odd, so I check and see it's a NYC number. Then Lynn Googles it and finds out that not only is the guy trying to sell space on his crappy "legal referral website", there are multiple other testimonials from people talking about how he's been rude to other attorneys' staffs and lied about being a potential client. 

Marketing: Joe Quinn is doing it wrong.

How Could This Situation Possibly Go Wrong?

The story in a nutshell: Acclaimed writer Alice Hoffman wrote a book. Critic Roberta Silman was disappointed in it and said so in the Boston Globe. Alice Hoffman went completely apeshit on Twitter, even publishing Silman's phone number and e-mail address and inviting readers to call Silman and "tell her what you think of snarky critics."

Oh, good plan, Alice, good plan! I'm sure a retraction is coming from the Boston Globe in the very next edition, followed immediately by the sacking of the egregious Ms. Silman. And everybody's bound to come to your defense, right?

Right?

Hey, I completely understand the impulse, believe me. I've gotten reviews that make me want to go upside the reviewer's head. But no good can come of it. Just as no good came of Hoffman's tantrum. Her Twitter account is gone (which is probably just as well) and it's not Silman writers are lambasting.

But you, know, there but for the grace of God...and what remains of my good sense...

UPDATE: comments from the Twitterverse here.

Something Tells Me "Criminal Mastermind" Is Not The Career Path For You

Man Rapes Girlfriend, Streams It Live on the Internet:

JUNE 3--An Arizona man allegedly used a webcam to broadcast his sexual assault of an unconscious woman live on the Internet, according to police. Johnathan Hock, 20, was arrested Monday and charged with sexual assault, kidnapping, and unlawful surreptitious photo. According to the below probable cause affidavit sworn by a Phoenix Police Department detective, Hock attacked his 20-year-old girlfriend--who had passed out after a night of drinking--in her own bedroom in late-February. As first reported by the East Valley Tribune, Hock allegedly used a laptop connected to the Internet to stream the 30-minute assault, which was broadcast live via the Stickam.com web site. Hock posted frequently to Stickam.com and "is very popular on this site and is well known for his sex related behaviors," witnesses told police.

Arizona investigators learned of the video from a Louisiana woman who had viewed it online. The witness said that while Hock assaulted the woman (whom he had been dating for two weeks), he was "laughing and making comments...about how the victim would never know what was happening to her because she was 'passed out.'"

Yeah, cunning plan there, Jon.

This raises so many questions. Like how this deranged fuckwit wound up with a girlfriend in the first place. Or how someone can learn how to operate a computer, much less figure out how to stream his criminal activities to the Internet, all while being too stupid to figure out that someone was going to see it and report it. I guess it's just as well he is so stupid...it made it easier to catch the little perv.

Because We Could Use a Laugh Right Now

Woman in Cow Costume Sentenced to 30 Days

(Middletown, OH) -- Saturday night, people in the 3100 block of Wilbraham Road called police to report a woman wearing a cow costume was chasing kids, and blocking traffic. Michele Allen also allegedly urinated on the porch of one neighbor.
When officers arrived, they told her to go home. But later that night, they found her again, in the 2400 block of Verity, standing in traffic. This time, officers say, Allen smelled of alcohol and swore at them.

She was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct.

Allen plead guilty, Monday morning, in Middletown Municipal Court, and sentenced to a month in jail.

Here's the best part...she reportedly showed up for sentencing still wearing the costume.

Still Fighting Them Over Here, I See

FBI Foils Terror Plot In Jersey: Federal authorities have arrested six New Jersey men for allegedly plotting a terrorist attack against the Fort Dix military base, senior FBI officials have confirmed.

The plot, reported this morning by New York's WNBC television and confirmed to the Washington Post by FBI officials, involved storming the base with automatic weapons and attempting to kill as many soldiers and other personnel as possible.

I thought the whole point of staying in Iraq was that terrorists would come here if we didn't. Yet they're already in New Jersey. Curious.

Wonder if Tony Soprano's tip last week had anything to do with this?

UPDATE: Upon reflection, this probably deserves the "non-viable strategies for living" tag. I mean, storming a military base full of people who are sure to be heavily armed? Boy, THERE'S a brilliant plan.

Careful What You Ask For, Geek-Boy

WOW Player's Online Harassment Has RL Consequences

Bronco Carson, a World of Warcraft player from Mexico, reported to police on Saturday that three men broke into his home and beat his arms with clubs and totalled his computer. The reason? Carson had been repeatedly ganking the WoW character of the wife of one of his assailants.

Carson reportedly told police that he had been "making it hard for her to get far in the game." The woman had already threatened Carson online, and Carson said that he had already been constantly harassed in-game two weeks prior to the attack.

And then Carson made the mistake of giving the woman his address, telling the woman that "if her husband was man enough to just come meet me to settle this."

The result? Carson got two broken fingers and a fractured wrist during the assault. His computer and entertainment center were also totalled by his three attackers before they left. "I knew that I might be messed with in the game but I didn't really expect her husband to come looking for me," said Carson. "I couldn't have been more wrong."

Why Homer Simpson Should Never Turn to Crime

Thief betrays himself to get free beer BERLIN (Reuters) - A German phone thief led police right to his front door when they called the stolen mobile to say he had won some free beer and he willingly gave his address.

"An officer called and said, 'You've won a crate of beer'," said a spokesman for police in the eastern town of Neustrelitz Friday.

"Then he asked where he lived so he could drop the beer off, and the guy told him. I think the man was drunk."

I'm all for catching crooks, but this just feels wrong. I mean, it hardly seems sporting. It's like hunting over a baited field.

Well, THAT'S Good to Know

Yahoo! News: NEWARK, N.J. - It's not drunken driving in New Jersey if it involves a Zamboni.

A judge ruled the four-ton ice rink-grooming machines aren't motor vehicles because they aren't usable on highways and can't carry passengers.

Zamboni operator John Peragallo had been charged with drunken driving in 2005 after a fellow employee at the Mennen Sports Arena in Morristown told police the machine was speeding and nearly crashed into the boards.

Police said Peragallo's blood alcohol level was 0.12 percent. A level of 0.08 is considered legally drunk in New Jersey.

Peragallo appealed, and Superior Court Judge Joseph Falcone on Monday overturned his license revocation and penalties.

'It's a vindication for my client,' Peragallo attorney James Porfido said after the hearing. 'It's the right decision.'

Morris County Assistant Prosecutor Joseph D'Onofrio said no decision had been made on whether to appeal.

Peragallo, 64, testified at his trial that he did drink beer and vodka, but not until after he had groomed the ice. However, he told police he had a shot of Sambuca with his breakfast coffee and two Valium-pills before work."

'Cause, you know, driving that big-ass Zamboni is pretty stressful. A man needs a little bracer before saddling up one of those beasts.