GREAT BOOKLIST REVIEW FOR ICE CHEST!

Bill Ott at Booklist seems kinda relieved about ICE CHEST: 


Fans can’t be blamed for their furrowed brows when a favorite author decides to change styles. So when action-maestro Rhoades turns away from flawed noir heroes and nonstop overdrive to try his hand at a wacky, Elmore Leonard–style caper novel, well, we can’t help but worry. 

No need, as it turns out. There’s  just enough edge in this gang-who-couldn’t-shoot-straight heist tale to remind us that blood is only an itchy trigger finger away, but connected to those trembling digits are some of the goofiest, oddly sympathetic characters since Brad Smith rigged a horse race in All Hat (2003). The bad guys, including twins who happen to be eunuchs (long story) and a ringleader whose outsize vocabulary has led to delusions of grandeur, plan to kidnap a supermodel who will be wearing a bra studded with $5 million in jewels. On the other side of the scrimmage line are the security chief for the lingerie company; his punky, computer-wizard assistant; and the model’s chaperone, who has some special skills of her own. Oh, and there’s the supermodel’s jealous, mobbed-up boyfriend, too. 

The thing is, every one of these characters could star in his or her own thriller—well, except maybe the eunuchs—and together they comprise an ensemble that delivers nonstop entertainment. Does Rhoades do comic caper novels better than he does high-octane thrillers? Too close to call. 

Thanks, Bill! I think I'm going to add "action-maestro" to my business card.  

Dispatches From the Lunatic Gun-Humping Fringe

In response to the latest column, a frequent commenter had this to say:

So Dusty, can you tell me what "high powered" weapons were used please since I haven't read what they were???? Or do you even know? Can I presume that you will tell me that they used "high powered assault weapons"?? That would be a lie of course and I expect Mr. Nagy would not approve of you lying, right? So would you please answer my question? I'll thank you in advance. This is Frank, of course, and I'm sure you remember me. Merry Christmas, Dusty.

This commenter, who goes by the online handle of "skylinefirepest" , is actually a gun-humping lunatic named Frank Staples (he's actually proudly used his real name in the comments once or twice, so i give him credit for at least that much).

One of Frank's many deranged obsessions is making sure that no one in print calls an AR-15 or other long gun used in a murder an "assault rifle." I'm not sure why this particular bug is so far up Frank's ass, but you'll notice that he's so hung up on it that he feels compelled to make an angry denunciation of a term I have not used. 

Frank also knows that I'm barred from responding, but that doesn't stop him from demanding answers from me in the comments section. Whether or not this makes him an asshole is left to the reader. 

Difficult Problem, Bad Solutions

thepilot.com

The Dec. 2 murders of 14 people in San Bernardino, Calif., and the Nov. 14 killings of three people, including a police officer, at a Planned Parenthood clinic in Colorado Springs are chilling examples of the kind of terrorism that seems the most impossible to prevent.

Both were murderous rampages by people who, for the moment, can’t be tied to a specific directive or widespread plot from any particular organization. Instead, what we seem to have here are deranged individuals with nearly unlimited access to high-powered weapons and enraged by inflammatory rhetoric that tells them who the enemies of God are.

It’s hard to imagine how such a plot might be disrupted. Specific plans and instructions from an organization might be intercepted, or members of the conspiracy might have an attack of conscience or otherwise be turned to inform on and break up the plan.

It happens all the time. But how do you find out about a plot that festers in someone’s living room or in some primitive hut on a North Carolina mountainside, under the radar of everyone, including even the killers’ families in the case of the San Bernardino attack?

A difficult problem, to be sure. So, of course, you can count on our politicians to come up with totally wrong solutions.

Take, for example, Donald Trump. The current Republican front-runner has suggested that the solution is to just bar all Muslims from coming to the U.S., until, and I quote, “our country’s representatives can figure out what is going on.” This apparently includes Muslim-Americans, born in this country and therefore citizens, who are out of the U.S. when Trump’s Super Huge and Classy Iron Curtain comes down.

OK, let’s just address one thing right off the bat. If you’re going to use as your end date some mythical time when “our country's representatives can figure out what is going on,” then you might as well go ahead and say “forever.”

But the biggest problem with The Donald’s latest brain-spew is … well, let’s let another famous Republican explain it: “I think this whole notion that somehow we can just say, ‘No more Muslims,’ and just ban a whole religion, goes against everything we stand for and believe in.”

You know who said that? The Dark Prince himself, Dick Cheney. Let me tell you something, folks: When even Dick Cheney tells you you’ve gone too far, you need to slow your roll. It’s like having Keith Richards and Axl Rose do an intervention to tell you you’re doing too many drugs.

In any case, Cheney is right. The idea that we deny people, even American citizens, rights based on religion is not only repugnant, but it also violates the U.S. Constitution that Trump and people like him claim to revere, even as they trample all over it.

And, of course, nothing in the Trump proposal would have done a thing to stop Robert Dear, the Planned Parenthood terrorist. Remember him? Everyone else, including the so-called liberal media, seems to have forgotten.

Unfortunately, The Donald is not the only one with a bad idea to thwart so-called “lone wolf” terrorism. President Obama, apparently frustrated by the inability of Congress to even provide for expanded background checks for prospective gun buyers, suggested that maybe we can at least bar people on the TSA’s “no-fly” list from owning firearms.

Now, on the surface, this makes sense. I mean, if you can’t even get on a plane because you’re a suspected terrorist, you shouldn’t be able to own a gun, right? There’s only one problem. For years, the “no fly” list (actually several lists) has been a fiasco, a Kafkaesque nightmare where people are pulled out of line by security, subjected to “enhanced” searches and interrogation, and even denied flights for reasons which no one can or will explain.

Those people include a pilot told he couldn’t board the plane he was supposed to fly, a former U.S. attorney with a “top secret” clearance, and a 5-year-old child, all of whom have names similar to people on the list. Maybe if the various watch lists could be fixed, they might serve as an indicator of who shouldn’t own guns, but since it’s illegal to even reveal who’s actually on them, I don’t see that happening.

The “lone wolf” terrorist problem isn’t going to be solved by simplistic solutions. It’s certainly not going to get solved by fomenting more hate and fear, whether that be against Muslims or against women’s health providers falsely accused of “selling baby parts.” You can’t legislate that, and you can’t control the hate and fear spewed by radicals. But you can call on the people who want your votes to avoid adding to it.

Excerpts From Santa's Mailbag

 Opinion | thepilot.com

It’s that time of year again — the time when we dip into some leaked selections from Santa’s mailbag:

Dear Santa:

It’s been a really scary year, what with attacks on Paris and ISIS killing all those people in the Middle East and everything. So we’ve decided that the only thing to do as the governing body of the greatest country in the world is run away from the world, turn our backs on people in need, and hide under our beds.

Problem is, Santa, we’re not as young as we used to be, and some of us have put on a little weight. So what we’d like are higher beds to hide under.

— The U.S. Congress

Note to staff: Please arrange to have all of these fraidy cats receive a Bible with the passages about “for I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me,” etc., underlined. Thanks.

Note to Santa: We’re on it, boss. By the way, those ISIS guys sent a letter. Said they knew they were on the permanent naughty list, but they didn’t care, because the Americans were giving them everything they wanted anyway. Man, those guys have more loose screws than an Erector Set.

Dear Santa:

I know you’d probably think I don’t need anything, because I’m very, very rich. I’m super-rich, in fact, and the reason is because I’m also the smartest person you or anyone else has ever met. Not only that, everybody loves me. People can’t wait to tell me what a great guy I am. Oh, and I have a daughter so hot, I’d date her if I wasn’t her dad.

But there is one thing you can get for me. I know there’s a tape somewhere of thousands and thousands of Muslims cheering in New Jersey as the Twin Towers fell on 9/11. Problem is, no one can seem to find it. Everybody tells me that I’m making it up, but I can’t be, because I have the world’s greatest memory.

So rustle that recording up for me, will you? Chop chop, fat boy. I haven’t got all day.

— Donald, New York City

Note to staff: I don’t know what kind of meds it’s going to take to stabilize Donny, but order him up a truckload.

Dear Santa:

I know we’re getting close to Christmas, and you really need my wish list, but all the polling data isn’t in yet on what I should want, and some of my advisers haven’t gotten back from their Thanksgiving break ski trips to let me know what gift requests will play best in Iowa and New Hampshire. So I’m going to have to get back to you.

— Hillary, Chappaqua, New York

Note to staff: I know this letter should probably disturb me, but I find it kind of charming that she apparently sat down and hand-wrote it.

Note to Santa: C’mon, boss, you think she’s going anywhere near an email account these days?

Dear Santa:

I don’t want much. I just want people to know who I am, and that I’m still running for president.

— Jim, Richmond, Virginia

Note to staff: I hate to admit it, but I made my list, and I’ve checked it twice, and I still have no idea who this guy is.

Note to Santa: Jim Gilmore. Used to be governor of Virginia. And don’t worry, no one else knows him either.

Dear Santa:

I don’t want anything for myself. Really. But I want everyone to have free public college tuition. And a single payer health plan that will ensure that no person has to worry about going bankrupt if they get sick. And a living wage for everyone, because no one who’s working full time should be living in poverty. I don’t think this is too much to ask.

— Bernie, Burlington, Vermont

Note to staff: Who does this guy think he is? Me? Ho ho ho.

Note to Santa: Actually, boss, the other elves and I have been meaning to talk to you about the whole wage thing. Look, I like sugarplums as much as the next elf, but you can’t buy stuff with them. Not to mention that our diabetes risk is through the roof these days. Even Henry Ford said he wanted his workers to earn enough wages to buy the cars they made for him. You see where I’m going with this?

— Hermie

Note to staff: The unemployment line?

Note to Santa: Oh, right. You going to load the sleigh yourself? The reindeer are backing us up on this, by the way.

Note to staff: OK, OK. We’ll talk. After Christmas?

Note to Santa: It’s a date. Merry Christmas, boss.

Random Observations for the Post Thanksgiving Lull

Opinion | thepilot.com

A few random observations for this post-Thanksgiving, post-Black Friday day of recovery:

* Donald Trump said recently that if he were president, he would be “bombing the [bad word]” out of ISIS. Five minutes on Google or Bing or Yahoo! or whatever would have turned up U.S. military figures showing we’re already doing that.

In fact, we’re actually bombing ISIS more than we have the Taliban. The Washington Post reviewed data supplied by the U.S. military and found that “from August 2014 to August 2015, there have been 22,478 weapons released over Syria and Iraq, mostly by U.S. aircraft,” whereas only 20,237 weapons were released in the last five years over Afghanistan. Add in the contributions of our allies and of Russia, and I’m not sure how much more [bad word] we can be bombing out of ISIS.

Here’s a radical idea for our pundits and politicians: Before you make strident demands that some group of people do something, do a little research to see if they’re already doing it.

* Speaking of surprising numbers, did you know that 26 people have been killed in jihadist attacks in the U.S. since 9/11/2001, but that 48 people have been killed by right-wing anti-government, anti-immigrant and white supremacist killers during the same period? Did you know that among those 48 are nine police officers targeted, ambushed and killed by professed “anti-government” terrorists specifically because they were cops?

Seems to me that maybe we’re talking about profiling the wrong people. After all, if radical right-wing white people are responsible for so many terrorist acts, then maybe we should be compiling databases and restricting the movement of all white conservative. … No. Wait. That would be stupid. Never mind.

* Speaking of profiling, I’m not sure why some people think it’s a compelling argument to make to me (as some have in the past two weeks) that “47 Democrats voted for restricting entry of refugees from Syria” or that “Bill Maher said Muslims can’t be trusted.”

I’m enormously disappointed in the Democrats who caved in to fear and let ISIS terrorists dictate our refugee policy. As for Bill Maher, I’m certainly baffled as why wingnuts think he’s some kind of liberal spokesman. Also, before you go jumping on Maher’s bandwagon, you might want to check out his views on Christians.

It reminds me of the delicious moment when Sean Hannity invited the late British author and gadfly Christopher Hitchens on his show because Hitchens hated the Clintons, only to end up throwing him off the show because Hitchens started ripping into Hannity’s idiotic claims of a “War on Christmas” before going on to express his contempt for religion in general and Christianity in particular. Again, people, five minutes with Google can save you a lot of grief.

* Speaking of the War on Christmas, I see Fox “News” is going after a national chain because its holiday cups aren’t Jesus-y enough. “Is Starbucks acting more like Ebenezer Scrooge to bah-humbug Christmas?” asked self-described evangelist and Fox News host Kelly Wright. “Some people think so.” Their complaint? Starbucks removed “traditional holiday decorations of Christmas trees and snowflakes on its cups” in favor of a bright, cheery but blank red cup. This, according to Wright, is taking “Christ and Christmas” off the cup.

So let me get this straight. The removal of a pagan symbol of renewal and rebirth (the tree) and a naturally occurring phenomenon (the snowflake), neither of which have squat-all to do with the birth of Jesus 2,000-odd years ago, is taking “Christ and Christmas” off your morning cup of mediocre overpriced coffee. You realize, of course, this makes no sense. But, hey, who cares about logic when you’re a member of the country’s dominant religion attempting to portray yourself as part of some kind of beleaguered insurgent movement?

* Speaking of overreacting to the smallest thing: The White House recently went into lockdown and parts of Pennsylvania Avenue were closed when an unidentified person or persons threw an apple core over the fence. Donald Trump immediately called for a “big, beautiful” wall to be built around Washington State to prevent the spread of the Red Delicious Menace.

OK, I made that last part up about Trump. But the part about the apple core was true.

It certainly does seem as if, in the war against terror, terror is winning.

America Surrenders to Terrorism

thepilot.com:

What happened in Paris this past Friday the 13th is tragic. Almost as tragic are the number of people in the West whose first reaction was to surrender to the terrorists.

Because, make no mistake: When you use things like the terror attacks in Paris, Beirut and Egypt to ramp up hatred and distrust of all Muslims, when you agree with Donald Trump that maybe we “should look at” closing down mosques, when you use your position as governor of a U.S. state to claim that you’re going to deny legally accepted Syrian refugees into your borders, then you are giving in to terrorism. You are, in fact, giving Daesh exactly what they want.

(A word of explanation: “Daesh” is one name for the group that some call ISIS, some call ISIL, and some just shorten to “Islamic State.” It’s how you pronounce the initials of their name in Arabic. It also apparently sounds a lot like the Arabic word for either “trampling and crushing” or “overbearing bigot,” because Arabic is a very, very strange language.)

In any case, the murdering SOBs hate the name Daesh. In fact, it makes them so mad that they threaten to cut out the tongue of everyone who calls them that. So I call them Daesh mainly because they hate it so much.

Anyway, Daesh has said explicitly in its online pronouncements that one of its main goals is to “eliminate the gray zone,” i.e., the place where Muslim and non-Muslim can co-exist. They say they want to divide the world into the same black and white as their flag, a place where ALL Muslims feel threatened and excluded by non-Muslims and vice versa.

They want to create a world in which Daesh can say, with justification, “Hey, Joe or Jane Muslim, the only safe place for you or for your family is with us and our insane seventh-century interpretation of Islam. We’ll kill you if you stray from our path; the Westerners will just kill you anyway.”

Once they have all Muslims gathered under their banner because the non-Islamic world has driven them out, then they can begin the apocalyptic end-of-days battle they so deeply desire.

To that end, they sow destruction and discord, knowing that America and the rest of the Western countries will be tempted to abandon the values that make them great and draw people to the West.

The attacks of Sept. 11, 2001, and their aftermath led to not only a shameful willingness to give up more and more of our civil liberties, but also to an explosion of anti-Muslim bigotry.

The attacks of Friday the 13th, 2015, have led to even more fear, which manifests itself in calls to turn away the very people — including women and children — who are running away from the horrific scourge that is Daesh and to send them back into the very hell that these devils have created, a place where their only choices will be to join the armies of jihad as conscripts or to die.

In Daesh’s own words, “Those leaving will only find refuge in the land of the Caliphate.” And this is what we want to agree to?

Another problem with this whole idea of state governors trying to bar refugees from coming to their states is that it’s blatantly unconstitutional.

The Supremacy Clause of Article VI of the Constitution, and years of Supreme Court precedent interpreting that, are very clear that it’s the federal government, not the states, that has “power over immigration, naturalization and deportation.” That’s the 1942 case of Hines v. Davidowitz, if you want to look it up.

You can also look up the case of Shapiro vs. Thompson from 1966, which reiterated the long-held Constitutional principle that it’s a fundamental right to live in any state you want. Once again, the people who claim to revere the Constitution act like they know squat about it.

So I’m looking at you, Gov. Pat McCrory. I’m looking at you, Ben Carson, and now-former presidential candidate Bobby Jindal, and Donald Trump, and even John Kasich (John, you broke my heart. You were supposed to be the sane one).

I’m looking at all of you, whatever your party. When you say “all Muslims are terrorists,” or “stop all refugees at the border,” when you callously propose throwing women and children back into the clutches of the animals they’re running from, or when you say we need to throw aside basic constitutional principles, you're retreating. You’re giving up. You’re helping to create the world that Daesh wants.

You might as well be waving a white flag.