"Politics is a cut-throat business," said Jonathan "The Impaler" Sharkey, who said he plans to announce his bid for governor Friday on the ticket of the Vampyres, Witches and Pagans Party.
Like Jesse "The Body" Ventura, who was elected governor as an independent in 1998, the 41-year-old Sharkey once was a wrestler, although he spent his time "The Unholiest of Kings: Tarantula" on obscure professional circuits.
"I'm a Satanist who doesn't hate Jesus," Sharkey told Reuters. "I just hate God the Father."
However, he claims to respect all religions and if elected, will post "everything from the Ten Commandments to the Wicca Reed" in government buildings.
Sharkey also pledged to execute convicted murders and child molesters personally by impaling them on a wooden pole outside the state capitol.
Hmmmm....put "suspected" rather than "convicted" in that last sentence and Republicans would vote for him in a landslide.
UPDATE: Of course he has a website.
4 comments:
I love Minnesota. In the summer.
As for the Impaler, if he was a Republican he could eat puppies on TV and Sean Hannity would report that some people say Hillary eats live babies, so there. Then the Republican voters would bring in that Diebold-enhanced landslide.
From the web site:
My Magikal Path name is: Lord Ares
Too cool. I want a Magikal Path name. Where do you buy those things? Or can I just make one up?
Dusty, from now on, you can call me Prince Bandu as it's my new Magikal Path name.
Which is much more powerful than a Magical Path name, from people who care about spelling and stuff.
All hail Bandu!
Lessee, what do I want as my Magikal Path name...how about Baron Wombat?
Okay, that made me laugh out loud.
Post a Comment