Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Insert "Stimulus Package" Joke Here

Porn industry seeks federal bailout « - Blogs from CNN.com

WASHINGTON (CNN) — Another major American industry is asking for assistance as the global financial crisis continues: Hustler publisher Larry Flynt and Girls Gone Wild CEO Joe Francis said Wednesday they will request that Congress allocate $5 billion for a bailout of the adult entertainment industry.

“The take here is that everyone and their mother want to be bailed out from the banks to the big three,” said Owen Moogan, spokesman for Larry Flynt. “The porn industry has been hurt by the downturn like everyone else and they are going to ask for the $5 billion. Is it the most serious thing in the world? Is it going to make the lives of Americans better if it happens? It is not for them to determine.”

I'll just let the commenters handle this one. Make me proud, y'all.

14 comments:

Fran said...

Sorry, Dusty, all I can hear is Pat Benatar singing, "Hit me with your best shot! Fire away!" and considering the focus of this bailout program, that's just kinda icky.

Still, I'm willing to bet Congress takes a good, hard, long look at their proposal, and who knows, may even need to do some field research to be sure that the industry is as flaccid as has been presented.

eviljwinter said...

Said Mr. Flynt, "Pornographic films are dependent on money shots. And we have very little money in these hard economic times."

When asked to comment, Beavis & Butthead creator Mike Judge said, "He said 'hard.' Huh-huh. Huh-huh-huh-huh-huh."

Charlie Stella said...

It’s all about posturing, JD … a dozen or Republicans postured against the $700 billion bailout, calling it evil socialism and voting it down … then the pot was sweetened (+$150 billion) and suddenly the Bush initiative the DEMS (remember those Bush haters?) were so enthusiastically supporting became less socialistic and more capitalistic? Who knows, but both parties (especially those staunch anti-socialist holdout republicans) found the bailout idea suddenly brilliant and a lot of rich guys who screwed up got their fix.

Then the car companies came (via private jets) knocking … and the posturing required another “No way” vote … so they returned (via 4 and 6 cylinders) with hats in hand and scored one more for the rich (while laying off the poor anyway).

Now comes Larry Flynt and this other (girls gone wild) clown … and the sad thing is they’re a lot more solvent than the heroes on Wall Street and/or the big 3 car companies … so, I say give them a bonus GRANT, not a loan (say, $100 billion just for doing something right) … and maybe let them provide training for the losers we’re all paying for so they aren’t going bankrupt (AGAIN) 6 months down the road.

As I always say … find me someone who can run a lemonade stand successfully and that’s my new secretary of the treasury, vice president and/or president. The Hah-vahd and Yale types just don’t seem to be able to get it done.

Unless, of course, you count that $850 billion score they just made off all us suckers.

Viva Fidel!

David Terrenoire said...

It just shows how hard it is to keep any industry up without some carefully applied stimulus to neglected economic areas.

Stacey Cochran said...

There's some truth underlying this though for real.

Let's be honest. Americans are much better at entertaining the world than making safe, fuel-efficient automobiles.

I think it's time to fold up the American automotive industry, invest the money in mass transit systems, and start building television, film, and internet/film studios in cities around the country.

becky hutchison said...

When I first saw this story in the news, I thought it was a spoof. Can you imagine the uproar if the porn industry was actually offered bail-out help by Congress? Attendance in a March-on-Washington would be huge, probably attracting a bigger (pun intended) crowd than the anti-Roe v Wade marches and the motorcycle rallies in DC put together.

But it would be a boost to the DC tourism industry...

John McFetridge said...

The rest of the entertainment industry should be worried, though. Porn has been leading the way in new technology since the VCR - porn were the first guys to figure out how to make money from the internet.

If the porn industry falters, that pretty much does it for innovation in the entertainment industry and as Stacey says, it's one of the few reliable American exports these days.

Gerard said...

Larry Flynt is a scuzzball genius.

Peter Rozovsky said...

I shall be following the porn-bailout proposal eagerly to see if it has a happy ending.
==============
Detectives Beyond Borders
“Because Murder Is More Fun Away From Home”
http://detectivesbeyondborders.blogspot.com/

Toni said...

So basically, the porn industry wants the government to be its fluffer?

Seems appropriate, somehow.

John McFetridge said...

No one made a, "money shot," joke?

Peter Rozovsky said...

Yep, someone did. Not I, though.

Tom Panek said...

I heard a couple of nice lines from Mo Rocca on "Wait Wait, Don't Tell Me!" The panel thought Congress should become the porn stars, thereby saving them millions in salaries. Mo quipped,"Starring Dianne She's-So-Feinstien...and the Majority Whip..."

Anonymous said...

Good day, sun shines!
There have been times of troubles when I didn't know about opportunities of getting high yields on investments. I was a dump and downright stupid person.
I have never thought that there weren't any need in large starting capital.
Now, I feel good, I begin to get real income.
It gets down to choose a proper partner who uses your money in a right way - that is incorporate it in real deals, and shares the income with me.

You may get interested, if there are such firms? I'm obliged to answer the truth, YES, there are. Please get to know about one of them:
http://theinvestblog.com [url=http://theinvestblog.com]Online Investment Blog[/url]