After the International Olympic Committee announced that Rio de Janeiro and not Chicago would be getting the 2016 Olympics, many Americans were disappointed that the event wouldn't be held on our soil. Certainly President Barack Obama was, since he had flown to Copenhagen to lobby personally for his adopted hometown.
Not those good Americans at the conservative magazine The Weekly Standard, though. "Cheers erupt at Weekly Standard world headquarters," wrote Editor John McCormack in an online post titled "Chicago Loses! Chicago Loses!"
Glenn Beck was also beside himself with glee. "Please, please let me break this news to you. It's so sweet," he chortled on his radio show before reporting that a foreign city would be getting the Olympics rather than an American one.
Rush Limbaugh was unapologetic in his joy over America's loss: "I don't deny it. I'm happy," he said.
The right-wing Web site NewsMax, which last week ran an article fantasizing about a military coup against the government, showed us that they were down with that crazy Internet-speak all the kids are using these days. "Chicago PWNED!" they Twittered.
(In case you're not familiar, PWNED is one of those online misspellings that's become so common it's used as a substitute for the actual word. So, PWNED equals OWNED, which equals "decisively defeated.")
Why were they so pleased? Wouldn't hosting the Olympics be a good thing, not just for Chicago, but for the U.S.A.?
Actually, whether the Olympics are that big a boon depends on who you ask. Some cities, such as Barcelona, got a boost in prestige and tourism from the Olympics. Some, like Montreal, reported losing money on the deal, at least in the short run.
But the folks celebrating the loss never reached that argument. To the leaders of the modern conservative movement, whether or not something is good for the country is irrelevant if they think it gives President Obama a black eye.
Rush Limbaugh said it explicitly. "Anything that gets in the way of Barack Obama accomplishing his domestic agenda is fine with me," he said.
"No Obamalympics," Michelle Malkin agreed.
Remember how right-wingers used to be so outraged about "liberals" being happy when America loses (while never being able to actually point to any real people who ever expressed any such joy)? Just look at them now. So much for "country first."
But what's next? After the rich, warm glow of spiteful satisfaction from this loss wears off, where can the concerned wingnut go to show President Obama he won't knuckle under to his Muslimcommiefascist agenda?
I have just the thing for you. Last Wednesday, President Obama signed an executive order forbidding federal employees to text while driving. The order, according to The Washington Post, "covers federal employees when they are using government-provided cars or cell phones and when they are using their own phones and cars to conduct government business."
Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood claimed that the ban "sends a very clear signal to the American public that distracted driving is dangerous and unacceptable."
On the surface, this may seem like a sensible precaution. But remember, anything President Obama supports, whether it be working hard and staying in school, bringing the Olympics to America, or paying attention to where the heck you're going when you drive, is something that you, as a good conservative, must oppose to your last breath.
So make sure your cell phone is equipped to send texts (or, as we'll be calling them from now on, "Freedom Messages"). Then gas up the SUV, get out there on the road, and start tap-tapping away. Spread the word far and wide that you won't be cowed by the foreign-born Islaminazi Marxist and his evil agenda of safety.
And why restrict yourself just to text messages? Twitter. E-mail. Check out the latest funny cat pictures on-line. Show everyone that there are still some proud, freedom-loving patriots out there willing to take a stand and push back against anything that President Obama's for.
Wear your dents and accident-related injuries with pride. And if, God forbid, the worst should happen, be sure to leave instructions that your tombstone should read, "I Really Showed YOU, Barack Hussein Obama!"
C'mon. Do it for Liberty.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Fight the Power!
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