How to Speak Wingnut

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Talking or conversing online with a member of the Rabid Right can often be a frustrating experience. It often seems like the two of you are talking past each other.

This is because while wingnuts speak something that appears to be English, they're not really speaking the same language as you. They use a sort of argot or cant, made up of dog-whistles and code words whose full and deeper meaning is only understood by them or people like them.

So here's a helpful guide in understanding wingnut speech, or, as I call it, Wingspeak:

What they say: "Obama was never properly vetted. We don't know anything about him."

What they mean: "We've dug and dug but none of us has ever been able to turn up a shred of credible evidence for all of the ridiculous stuff we've made up about Barack Obama."

What they say: "The press is covering up this story."

What they mean: "The press won't report our half-truths, distortions and outright lies as if they were facts."

What they say: "The press has a liberal bias."

What they mean: "The press keeps finding out true but damaging things about us."

What they say: "We need to cut spending."

What they mean: "We need to stop giving money to black and poor people so the government can pay for my retirement and health care."

What they say: "We need entitlement reform."

What they mean: "For every entitlement but the ones I get."

What they say: "Government can't create jobs."

What they mean: "Government shouldn't spend money to create jobs except for ones resulting from defense, road or bridge projects in my district."

What they say: "I know it isn't politically correct to say this, but..."

What they mean: "I am about to say something incredibly racist, sexist or just pig-ignorant, and I want to look like I'm daring and edgy instead of a brain-dead boob."

What they say: "You just call everyone who disagrees with you a racist!"

What they mean: "I say racist stuff all the time, but maybe if I play the aggrieved, falsely accused victim, I can get away with it."

What they say: "You just call people names because you haven't got any real arguments!"

What they mean: "I'm going to hope people ignore the fact that you just used actual evidence to clean my clock in this argument by self-righteously feigning indignation over the way you said it."

What they say: "Barack Obama isn't a real American."

What they mean: "Obama is black."

What they say: "Barack Obama doesn't love America."

What they mean: "Obama is black."

What they say: "Barack Obama wasn't born here, he was born in Kenya."

What they mean: "Obama is black."

What they say: "Barack Obama should release his college transcripts."

What they mean: "He couldn't have legitimately gotten into college and done as well as he did without getting special treatment, because he's, you know, black."

What they say: "Mitt Romney should release his tax returns only when President Obama releases his school records."

What they mean: "We're positive there's something in those tax returns that will destroy Romney's candidacy, so we'll come up with any flimsy non sequitur to try and excuse why he shouldn't release them. Also, Obama should release his school records because he's, you know, black."

What they say: "Obamacare is socialism!"

What they mean: "We don't really have any idea what's actually the Affordable Care Act, but we know this: We don't like socialism, we don't like Obama, and we don't like this plan, even though it was originally proposed by Republicans, because this time it was backed by a guy who's a Democrat and, you know, black, so we're going to call it something that sounds impressive and ominous, even though it clearly shows we know as much about socialism as we know about quantum physics."

What they say: "President Obama is engaging in Chicago-style gutter politics."

What they mean: "Obama's using the same hardball tactics against us that we've used to win every election we've succeeded in, and doing it better, since the stuff he's saying is actually true."

What they say: "The Obama campaign is getting desperate."

What they mean: "We're getting hurt badly by the latest round of revelations."

As a general rule of thumb, when they say, "How dare those awful liberals (fill in supposed outrage here)," what they mean is "You can't do that! Only we can do that!"

Hope this helps.