Sunday, June 14, 2009

Wingnut is The New Black

First off, sorry for the long silences between blog posts. Life has been, to say the least, interesting the past couple of weeks, and I've been reminded of the old adage, "when you're up to your ass in alligators, it's hard to remember you started off trying to drain the swamp." But it looks like things are going to stabilize, so I'll have a chance to share with you two truly moronic communiques issued recently from the Central Committee of Wingnuttistan, aka, the insanely bigoted and paranoiac clan known as the Buchanans.

Our first example comes from Big Brother Pat Buchanan. As David Terrenoire pointed out the other day over at A Dark Planet, Pat is pissing and moaning about the treatment of white people in this country. According to Pat, ”What is happening to white men right now is exactly what was done to black folks for years.”

Well, maybe he's right. Why just yesterday, I was almost lynched for whistling at a white woman.

Of course, that was by my wife.*

Then, sister Bay Buchanan took up the "we white folks are the new black folks" meme when she wrote about her little henchman Marcus Epstein. Epstein works with Sister Bay and her fellow racist hysteric Tom Tancredo in Tancredo's anti-immigrant political action committee. Marcus pled guilty to a federal charge of simple assault stemming from an incident in which, after really tying one one, he was, according to the US Attorney, "walking down the street making offensive remarks when he encountered the complainant, Ms. [REDACTED], who is African-American. The defendant uttered, “Nigger,” as he delivered a karate chop to Ms. [REDACTED]’s head."

(In case you're wondering why simple assault is a Federal charge, it's because it happened in D.C.)

To hear Sister Bay tell it, however, it's poor Marcus who was the victim of , and I quote, "a modern day lynching by a faceless, angry, ignorant mob who reveled in the collective assault on their victim.”

What? Was poor Marcus chased by an angry mob, tortured, set on fire, and hung from a tree? Um, no. Bloggers and a few reporters (very few, as it turns out) talked about his conviction. Because, you know, if a guy accuses a Supreme Court nominee of racism, it's kind of newsworthy if his staffers like to go around drunkenly yelling "nigger" at black women then karate chopping them on the head.

It appears that, since Marcus was convicted of a Federal crime, his admission to law school has been thrown into jeopardy. Well, you know, Federal convictions have a way of doing that. That's not lynching. That's a fact of the legal profession, so sorry.

But according to the Buchanans, it's white racists who should be singing the blues becuase they're the real oppressed minority in America.

So somebody get these people a National Steel Guitar and a harmonica. If they're going to be singing the blues, we need to get them the proper equipment.

* yeah, I know I used the joke over at the Planet. I like the joke.


Pogonip said...

I would like to speak up for harmonica players. Playing a mouth harp does not indicate the musician is a racist, quite the opposite, probably. John Sebastian, Bob Dylan and many others would be shocked and appalled to hear themselves lumped in with the likes of the Buchanans. Are these the same Buchanans as live in Magoddy? Or just cousins?

LongHairedWeirdo said...

I think Dusty knows harmonica players, and I think he also knows tongue blocking. That's when you approach the organ, with, you know, the top to your left, and lay your fat, strong tongue off to the left, pressing and kneading and using the feel as much as the touch, finding that magic spot, to appropriately manipulate the effect you get when you play.

You can also use your tongue to block the left hand side of the harmonica, to determine which notes are played.