Friday, June 19, 2009

Dusty Dies

Dusty Rhodes dies:

Dusty Rhodes, a light-hitting, hard-drinking outfielder who was at his best on baseball's biggest stage, died of cardiopulmonary arrest Wednesday at a Las Vegas hospital. He was 82.

Rhodes, whose left-handed swing was tailor-made for the short right-field porch at the New York Giants' home in the Polo Grounds, never batted more than 244 times in seven big-league seasons and had a career average of just .253.

But in his only World Series, in 1954, he delivered a game-winning pinch-hit home run in the 10th inning of Game 1, a game-tying pinch-hit single in Game 2 and a two-run pinch single in Game 3 to help the Giants win their last championship by sweeping the heavily favored Cleveland Indians.

Rhodes also hit a solo home run later in Game 2, remaining in the game after his pinch-hit single. His two home runs were the only ones hit by the Giants in the series.

Although that World Series is best remembered for "The Catch," Willie Mays' great running grab of a Vic Wertz drive in the opening game, it was Rhodes' bat that proved the difference. Yet, earlier that season, Giants manager Leo Durocher promised to quit unless the team traded Rhodes.

In his autobiography, "Nice Guys Finish Last," Durocher called the fun-loving Rhodes "the worst fielder who ever played in a big-league game." But he also wrote that Rhodes' personality kept the team "confident and happy."

"He was a lovable guy. He was a party guy. He was just a good old boy," Frank Turco, a cousin of Rhodes' wife, Gloria, said Thursday. "Did he live a hard life? Did he go out at night? Yes. But he was a good man. He was a Southern gentleman."

A rather disconcerting headline to wake up to, to be sure. But you know, there's some inspiration to me in the life story of the guy who I may or may not have been named after (my parents have never confirmed nor denied whether my nickname comes from this fellow). As some of you know, I've been having kind of an off-season, career-wise.

But September's coming.

Thanks to alert reader Randy Johnson for the heads-up.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

"He Will Rape Them With His Mouth!"

It's hard to defend David Letterman's "A-Rod knocked up Sarah Palin's daughter" joke, mainly because it wasn't funny. And the reason it wasn't funny didn't have anything to do with shock or good taste or some hysterical reaction about alleged pedophila. It just wasn't funny.

But this...THIS is funny (After the ad):

Monday, June 15, 2009

I Am, Apparently, Completely Out of the Loop

Upon stumbling across this story, which AOL Mail's home page seems determined to make me aware of, I have only one question:

Who the hell are Heidi and Spencer?

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Wingnut is The New Black

First off, sorry for the long silences between blog posts. Life has been, to say the least, interesting the past couple of weeks, and I've been reminded of the old adage, "when you're up to your ass in alligators, it's hard to remember you started off trying to drain the swamp." But it looks like things are going to stabilize, so I'll have a chance to share with you two truly moronic communiques issued recently from the Central Committee of Wingnuttistan, aka, the insanely bigoted and paranoiac clan known as the Buchanans.

Our first example comes from Big Brother Pat Buchanan. As David Terrenoire pointed out the other day over at A Dark Planet, Pat is pissing and moaning about the treatment of white people in this country. According to Pat, ”What is happening to white men right now is exactly what was done to black folks for years.”

Well, maybe he's right. Why just yesterday, I was almost lynched for whistling at a white woman.

Of course, that was by my wife.*

Then, sister Bay Buchanan took up the "we white folks are the new black folks" meme when she wrote about her little henchman Marcus Epstein. Epstein works with Sister Bay and her fellow racist hysteric Tom Tancredo in Tancredo's anti-immigrant political action committee. Marcus pled guilty to a federal charge of simple assault stemming from an incident in which, after really tying one one, he was, according to the US Attorney, "walking down the street making offensive remarks when he encountered the complainant, Ms. [REDACTED], who is African-American. The defendant uttered, “Nigger,” as he delivered a karate chop to Ms. [REDACTED]’s head."

(In case you're wondering why simple assault is a Federal charge, it's because it happened in D.C.)

To hear Sister Bay tell it, however, it's poor Marcus who was the victim of , and I quote, "a modern day lynching by a faceless, angry, ignorant mob who reveled in the collective assault on their victim.”

What? Was poor Marcus chased by an angry mob, tortured, set on fire, and hung from a tree? Um, no. Bloggers and a few reporters (very few, as it turns out) talked about his conviction. Because, you know, if a guy accuses a Supreme Court nominee of racism, it's kind of newsworthy if his staffers like to go around drunkenly yelling "nigger" at black women then karate chopping them on the head.

It appears that, since Marcus was convicted of a Federal crime, his admission to law school has been thrown into jeopardy. Well, you know, Federal convictions have a way of doing that. That's not lynching. That's a fact of the legal profession, so sorry.

But according to the Buchanans, it's white racists who should be singing the blues becuase they're the real oppressed minority in America.

So somebody get these people a National Steel Guitar and a harmonica. If they're going to be singing the blues, we need to get them the proper equipment.

* yeah, I know I used the joke over at the Planet. I like the joke.


Latest Newspaper Column:

ANNOUNCER: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, it's time once again for your favorite game show ...


ANNOUNCER: Yes, it's "Who Said That?", the game show where we give you a quote and the contestant has to guess which famous person said it. And now, here's your host, Wink Dinklesteen!

AUDIENCE: (Applause)

WINK: Thanks folks! Let's meet today's contestant. He's a retired insurance agent from Nutley, N.J. Please welcome -- Mr. Arnold Gaggenheimer!

AUDIENCE: (Applause)

CONTESTANT: Thanks, Wink. Great to be here!

WINK: OK, here's our first quote, for 100 points. It pertains to a Supreme Court nominee. Someone described that nominee as a "delightful and warm, intelligent person who has great empathy and a wonderful sense of humor." So, for 100 points ... audience?


WINK: And for 50 bonus points, name the nominee.

CONTESTANT: Oh, that's easy. That's Obama. Talking about that liberal activist nominee, Sotomato or Sergeantmajor or whatever her name is. Boy, that "empathy" nonsense just burns me up.

WINK: Oh, really?

CONTESTANT: Empathy! What a joke! What about the rule of law? What about Equal Protection? What about ...

WINK: Hate to interrupt your conniption, Arnold, but that quote about empathy was from President George H.W. Bush.

CONTESTANT: Impossible! Was some liberal activist judicial nominee being forced on him by a liberal Congress full of liberals?

WINK: Nope! The quote was about Justice Clarence Thomas.

CONTESTANT: What?! Thomas is a conservative! Conservatives hate empathy!

WINK: But I guess even empathy's OK if you're a Republican, eh? Ha ha! OK, next quote.This one's for 200 dollars. What Supreme Court nominee said: "When I get a case about discrimination, I have to think about people in my own family who suffered discrimination because of their ethnic background or because of religion or because of gender. And I do take that into account." Audience?


CONTESTANT: OK, that's got to be that racist woman Obama's nominated.

WINK: Sorry to tell you, Arnold, but...

CONTESTANT: I've never heard such outrageous claptrap! Rather than appointing judges who are thinking about their personal experience and empathizing with certain groups, the president should select individuals who are committed to abiding by the Constitution! This is nothing but racism! Do you hear me? Racism!

WINK: Nope, sorry, but that was a quote from Justice Samuel Alito.


WINK: Yes sir, he said it at his confirmation hearing.

CONTESTANT: I don't believe it! He's a white man. White men can't be racists! Only minorities can be racists!

WINK: Ummm ... what?

CONTESTANT: It's simple, Wink. Any time someone from a minority group mentions the fact that they're from a minority group, or suggests that that's had any effect on their life, positive or negative, they're being racist!

WINK: Ohhh-kay. Well. Let's move on. For 300 dollars, who said this: "I speak today as both a citizen of the United States and of the world. My people have sent me here today to speak for them as citizens of the world, which they truly are, for we Americans are drawn from every nationality."

CONTESTANT: Oooh, that Obama! He makes me so mad, kowtowing to foreigners like that!!

WINK: Oh, sorry.

CONTESTANT: I am not a citizen of the world! I'm a citizen of the United States of America! And proud of it!

WINK: Arnold ...

CONTESTANT: I'm with Newt Gingrich on this one, Wink. He said the other day he thinks the entire "citizen of the world" concept is "intellectual nonsense and stunningly dangerous."

WINK: Well, that's very interesting, Arnold, because that quote about being a "citizen of the world" was said by Ronald Reagan.


WINK: Arnold?

CONTESTANT: I don't think I like this game anymore.

WINK: Well, that's all the time we have today. And just remember, the next time Rush and Hannity and all the folks at Fox News tell you that you need to get your knickers in a wad over something someone said, think twice. It may be the exact same thing one of your own heroes said a few years ago. Because you never know