Friday, June 06, 2008

Blackbirds, Handcuffs, and Wolverines: The Virtual Cocktail Party

My Honorable Companion, fellow Firefly geek, and adopted little sister Tasha Alexander hosts one of her world-famous Virtual Cocktail parties over at The Good Girls Kill For Money Club. Special guest: your Humble Blogger. Come check it out.

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

L.A. Noir, Safe and Sound...

The very funny and talented Stephen Blackmoore hosts one of my must-read blogs, L.A. Noir. It's always worth checking out to find out some of the weird shit going down on the dark streets of the City of Angels. And I'm honored that he has some kind things to say about SAFE AND SOUND.

Thanks, Stephen!


So says Longhaired Weirdo, in the comments for the last entry.

It's not a cover blurb, John, but will it do?

I put down Harry Potter to read it!
-unidentified librarian who called me out of the blue one day

The paperback's out today, folks! Hope you grab one...or several. Father's Day's coming up, you know.

http://www. booksense. com/ for an independent bookseller near you...

Or at Barnes and Noble, Borders or Amazon.

Monday, June 02, 2008


As you can tell from the tick tock and tiny tinntabulations of the timepiece below, the Mass Market paperback of SAFE AND SOUND comes out tomorrow. If you haven't already purchased the third Jack Keller book, here's a few reviews to pique your interest:

Publisher's Weekly
: Crisp dialogue and the author's deft use of local color support a narrative driven as effectively by characters as by events. One of the darkest--and best---novels of 2007. The author's narrative, which reads much like that of Dashiell Hammett, is strong, stark and sure, just like his plot.

January Magazine: This book demands to be read. SAFE AND SOUND is a tour-de-force, diabolical thriller. (Voted one of the best crime novels of 2007 by January magazine).

Available everywhere....if you don't see it, please order it!

UPDATE: Silly's the MASS MARKET paperback. I'd originally said trade...I swear I know the difference.

Sunday, June 01, 2008

Can This Relationship Be Saved?

Latest Newspaper Column:

“Gentlemen, the doctor will see you now.”

“Come in, come in. Mr. President…Senator. It’s good to see you.”

"Thanks for agreeing to see us on short notice, doc. I know you’ve got a full schedule.”

“Well, I have to admit, I was a little surprised. But I could hardly turn you down, sir. Or you, Senator.”

“John, aren’t you going to say thank you to the doctor?”

“Uh, yeah, thanks.”

“Come on, you can show more enthusiasm than that, John.”

“George, do we have to do this right now?”

“Oh, you’ve got somewhere else to go? You’ve got something more important to think about than our relationship?”

“Well, yeah, George, actually. I have a campaign event in….”

“And I suppose I’m not invited to this one, either!”

“George, we’ve been over this…”

“See what I mean, doc? He acts like he doesn’t want me around any more!”

“Mr. President….are you crying?”

“You’ve got to help us, doctor. “

“Mr. President…Senator…this isn’t really the kind of couples counseling that I normally do.”

“But you’re supposed to be the best! You’re our only hope.”

“Okay, okay. Have a seat. Both of you. There you go. Mr. President, the tissues are right there on the table.”

“I’m really sorry George is being like this, doctor...”

“Don’t you dare apologize for me!”

“Gentlemen, gentlemen…I don’t think this is productive. Why doesn’t one of you tell me what the problem is.”

“I don’t have the problem. George does.”

“Oh, right, like you’re not as much a part of this as I am!”

“For the love of…”

“Mr. President…George…it really seems like you have something you want to get off your chest. So maybe you should start.”

“Well, doctor, John’s been getting more and more distant from me. Oh, he’s always polite, but…I remember a time when there was so much more. There were all those times we used to hug in public. There was the time he brought me that big cake…you remember the big cake, John?”

“You mean the time John was bringing you a big birthday cake at a fundraising party while New Orleans was drowning? I remember seeing the pictures in the papers, yes.”

“Oh, sure, doc. Throw that up at me again. Whose side are you on, anyway?”

“See, this is a big part of the problem, doctor. George always has to make it about who’s with him and who’s against him.”

“John, let George speak. Then you’ll have your turn, I promise.”

“Oh, all right. “

“Go ahead, George..”

“Anyway, it all came to a head recently. We were supposed to have this big fundraiser in Phoenix. A lot of big shots, a lot of big money. So what does Mr. Big Shot Presumptive nominee do?”

“I’ve tried to explain…”

“He moves it to a ‘private location’! So he could--and this is a quote from your own people John, so don’t try to deny it—‘avoid the cameras!’


“Why don’t you just come out and say it, John! You’re ashamed of me! You’re embarrassed to be seen with me!”


“It’s because I’ve gotten fat, isn’t it!? Well you try keeping your figure eating all that rich food at state dinners!”

“You haven’t gotten fat, George…you’ve gotten...unpopular.”


“Admit it, George! Your poll numbers are the lowest since they started keeping track! You’re…you’re…”

“Senator, don’t say anything that you’ll regret later…”

“No, doctor, we need to get it all out on the table. George…you’re dragging me down.”

“No! It’s not true!”

“It is true and you know it!”

“So what are you saying? You want us to….split up? Doctor, do you think that’s what we should do?”

“Now, now, gentlemen, now that we’ve got all that out in the open, we can have a real discussion. Everybody have a seat. George, put down the paperweight. If the two of you start throwing things, it’ll just confuse the Secret Service. Let’s not make this any harder on them than it has to be, okay?”


“Now, why don’t the two of you start concentrating on the things you have in common? Because, if you’re really honest with one another, you have to admit there are an awful lot of those. You both really like the idea of keeping troops in Iraq. You both want to keep cutting taxes even as deficits spiral out of control. Neither one of you gives a rat’s behind about the health care crisis. You two are soulmates, however much you want to deny it. Now come on. Look into each other’s eyes. Admit it.”



“Hug me.”

“Now see? Isn’t that much better than fighting?”

“Thanks, doctor. You’re a miracle worker.”

“I have my moments. I’ll send you my bill. And could you do me a favor?”

“What’s that, doc?”

“Could you go out the back way? Because I really don’t want to be seen with either of you.”