Clinton, Press Reach New Low In Relationship

CJR:

In a dispatch to the WSJ’s Washington Wire blog, Calmes reported from the workspace set aside for reporters during Clinton’s “Texas-sized townhall” yesterday evening: the men’s room of Austin’s Berger Activity Center. The five-hour-long water-closeting was the result of an apparent error (the room had been described to her as a “locker-room space,” an “abjectly apologetic” Clinton press aide, Jamie Smith, told reporters), and the press “were mostly amused” by the scene..... At one point during Water(Closet)gate, Time’s Karen Tumulty reported, “a gentleman just wandered in, expecting to use the facilities, and looked very startled to see three dozen reporters typing away on their laptops.

This, lest we forget, is the organization of the "tested, experienced, ready to go on day one" candidate.

I Am a Lucky, Lucky Man

Lynn went back to the doctor this morning. So far, so good.

I want to thank each and every one of you who commented or e-mailed to wish us well. It really brings a lump to my throat to know I have such good and caring friends. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

It's So Hard to Hate These Candidates

Latest Newspaper Column:

“Mr. Rhoades? The doctor will see you now.”

“Thanks. Hi, Doc.”

“Dusty, mein boy. Come in and haff a zeet. Tell Herr Doktor vot is troublink you.”

“Well, for one thing, Doc, that accent’s a little much.”

“Vot do you mean? All psychiatrists are supposed to haff der Viennese accent.”

“Ummm…Doctor Cho, you’re Asian. And you told me you were born in South Dakota.”

“Oh. Right. Anyway, come on in. Have a seat.”

“Thanks.”

“So, Dusty, what’s the problem?”

“Well, Doc, it’s the hate.”

“I know, Dusty, I know. All the divisiveness of the past few years, I can understand how it would get you down…”

“No, Doc, you don’t get it. I don’t hate any of the candidates right now.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Look, I’m a columnist, right? A liberal one. I’m supposed to be filled with hate. Don’t you read the letters to the editor?”

“Well…”

“It’s even in the handbook.”

“You guys have a handbook?”

“Of course. Check it out. Page 37.”

“ Well I’ll be…”

“All liberal columnists are required to hate the flag, hate America and anyone who’s not as liberal as they are.”

“Wow. I always thought that was just right wing propaganda.”

“Nope. All true. And there’s my problem. I need to get good and angry in order to write, and I just can’t bring myself to hate any of these guys.”

“What about McCain?”

“Oh, don’t get me wrong. I disagree with the guy. Strongly. He says he doesn’t mind if we stay in Iraq another thousand years, and I bloody well do. But check this news story out.”

“Hmmm…”

“This right wing talk show host introducing McCain kept bringing up Obama’s middle name, Hussein, and calling him a ‘hack politician from Chicago.’ And you know what McCain did? “He came out and apologized! He said that he didn’t agree with the talk show host, that Obama and Hillary Clinton were ‘honorable Americans’ and that he was going to keep referring to them with respect.”

“I don’t get it, Dusty.. Isn’t this something you’ve been calling on Republicans to do for a couple of years? To distance themselves from their crazier supporters’ harsh rhetoric, just like people are always demanding Democratic politicians do?”

“But Doc, I never thought they’d actually DO it! How am I supposed to hate this guy?”

“Well, what about Hillary Clinton? Isn’t she the most divisive figure in American politics?”

“Pfft. Don’t believe everything you read, Doc. Hillary Clinton is only thought of as "divisive" because a few loudmouthed Republicans never got over losing the 1992 election to her husband. He’s not around anymore, so they hate her in his place.”

“I thought you called her ‘Republican Lite.”

“And I meant it. But it’s hard not to take up her side when you look at some of the ridiculous B.S. that’s been leveled against her, like that whole stupid ‘did she tip the waitress’ thing, and the whole ‘did she cry or didn’t she’ malarkey…”

“That was pretty silly.”

“Absolutely. And you know how all these people in the press are griping that Barack Obama is inspiring but not ‘specific” enough about his policies?”

‘I’ve read it once or twice, yes.”

“Well check this piece out from the Washington Post. Their reporter E.J. Dionne talks about how, and I quote: ‘as Hillary Clinton droned on learnedly about health care, family and medical leave, and global warming, a colleague in the press section leaned over to dismiss her for offering nothing but ‘a laundry list of wonkery.’”

“So?”

“So, it’s the old ‘heads we win, tails you lose’ nonsense the press has been running on the Democrats since the 90’s! Get specific, you’re boring, get inspiring, you’re vague!”

“I see. Go on, Dusty.”

“Remember Al Gore? When he started talking detailed policy objectives, they made fun of him for being wooden! But when he got fired up, suddenly all these pundits were saying he’d gone off the deep end, he was going crazy!”

“I think we’re getting somewhere here.”

“What do you mean?”

“Look, you can’t write unless you’re ticked off, right?”

‘Yeah, I guess so.”

“Well, who do you hate now?”

“Who do you think? These idiots in the so-called ‘liberal’ media! Liberal! Hah! What a joke. Soulless bunch of corporate drones is what they are…oh.”

“Now you’re getting it.”

“They’re petty, and stupid, and they concentrate on style over substance, and obsess over Obama’s middle name,, and they want us to pick the leader of the Free World based on whether or not we’d like to have a beer with him or her and…they…they…wow! Thanks, Doc! I feel really, really angry now! I can write again!”

“Any time. Now here’s my bill.”

“WHAT!? This is outrageous! Why, you…”

“Wait…put that down! Nurse! NUUUURSE!”

Sometimes the Magic Works...

But who knew it'd work so fast?

It looks like Lynn's going to be okay. The bad news is, it wasn't just one little bastard, it was several, "bilateral and on upper and lower lobes." The good news is they were all tiny and are being killed off by the stuff they're giving her (and I hope the fuckers die screaming). She's off the heart monitor and may very well come home tomorrow, Saturday at the latest. She'll be on blood thinners for 90 days or so, and we'll need to keep sentry for more little bastards trying to sneak in, but I'm breathing a little easier (and so is she, but only a little).

Thanks to all my Hellions for the positive energy. It made a big difference to me.

Oh, funny thing...one reason I was so insistent that she go immediately was that I'd just finished the Warren Zevon bio I wrote about on Murderati. As you remember, Zevon died of inoperable lung cancer, and the first symptom his friends noticed was...he got winded climbing stairs. So when I heard Lynn saying "Wow, I really got winded climbing those stairs," I got very insistent about getting checked out by our family doc.

Hellions, We Could Use Some Good Thoughts and Prayers Right Now

A couple of days ago, my Lovely Bride mentioned that she'd been getting winded coming up the stairs to our office. My antenna went up, because this is not something she'd experienced to this degree before. I insisted she go to the doctor.

She went in yesterday morning and hasn't been home since.

One test led to another and they discovered that Lynn has a pulmonary embolism, a blood clot in her lung. Luckily, they discovered it before the little bastard could do serious damage, and she's resting sort-of comfortably in the hospital, on 24 hour monitoring and blood thinners. Testing hasn't turned up any other little bastards. That's all we know right now.

Needless to say, this has pretty well knocked our regular life upside the head. What with family and all,we're pretty well fixed for day to day help. but all good thoughts and/or prayers would be appreciated.

And of course, blogging will be light to nonexistent for a while.

The High Numbers on the Dial

Latest Newspaper Column:

I really am glad the writers' strike is over.

I don't watch as much TV as most people I know. But there are a few favorites I've missed, like "My Name Is Earl," and "The Office," and, of course, "The Daily Show" (as opposed to "A Daily Show," host Jon Stewart's attempt to stay on the air without writers). Plus, I've got some friends and acquaintances in the business who are glad to get back to work.

The strike provided an unexpected boost to so-called "reality" television, since it doesn't take a script to get people to humiliate themselves for their measly few minutes of fame.

Most "reality" programming leaves me cold, since it seems based on finding some of the world's most desperate or despicable people and pitting them against one another. But, while idly scanning the channels looking for something to watch besides another rerun of "Two and a Half Men," the family and I discovered an interesting batch of "reality-based" shows in the upper reaches of the cable dial, some offbeat, some just plain weird, but all entertaining.

My wife and daughter are big fans of Discovery Health's "John and Kate Plus Eight." J&K+8 tells the story of the Gosselins, who, after having twins, decided to tempt fate by trying fertility drugs -- and ended up with sextuplets. Personally, I'm constantly amazed that this show doesn't turn into "John and Kate Have a Psychotic Break" or "John and Kate Weep and Curse Fate," but judging from the "awwws" coming from the family room when this thing is on, there's apparently a high cuteness quotient.

From Japan comes "Ninja Warrior," on the G4 channel. People from all walks of Japanese life try to conquer the Obstacle Course from Hell while a hyperactive announcer screams commentary in Japanese (with subtitles) that's made up mostly of bad puns about the contestant's day job.

The interesting thing about this show to me is that the course is so blooming hard, there are episodes where nobody wins. Try to imagine a season of "The Amazing Race" in which it was possible for everyone to be eliminated. An American audience would never stand for it.

For fans of more gritty fare, like police chases, gun battles, fist fights, tasings, and other types of real-life carnage, there's the double- barreled threat of "Most Shocking" and "Most Daring," back-to-back on the former Court TV, now known as TruTV.

Both feature collections of police-camera, aerial, and citizen footage of Very Bad Things happening. "Most Daring," however, claims that it's the home for the clips that were too intense for "Most Shocking." Which leads to the question: Is there, like, a committee that decides these things? Are there guidelines? How bad does the collision in the middle of the police chase or the drunken beatdown have to be to make the cut?

But my all-time favorite has to be the Discovery Channel's "Mythbusters." This show, hosted by a couple of guys who spent years in the field of movie special effects, purports to take an experimental approach toward discovering the answers to questions most of us take for granted. Questions like, "How easy is it, actually, to shoot fish in a barrel?", "Is it actually possible to make a lead balloon, and if so, how would it go over?" and, "Could a guy actually chop people's heads off by throwing a steel-lined hat like Oddjob, that big Chinese dude in the James Bond movies?"

In truth, however, the show most often devolves into an excuse to blow stuff up. The "fish in a barrel" episode, for example, quickly escalated the firepower through a 9mm handgun, then a shotgun, and finally using an M134 minigun (the multibarrel machine gun they mount on the Humvee) to blast the barrel to shreds.

The show where they tested out the plausibility of the stuff in James Bond movies ended up with their replicating the exploding fountain pen from Goldeneye. Not satisfied, however, with the initial explosion, they kept increasing the amount of explosive until the pen was the size of a toy baseball bat and completely obliterated the dummy they were using as a test subject.

How could you not love a show like this? I personally think that "American Idol" would be vastly improved if you armed the contestants with large-caliber weapons. Might be a shorter season, though.

Oh, and another great thing about "Mythbusters" is Kari, the vivacious redhead who's often the most gonzo member of the team. She's just too damn adorable, even when (or maybe especially when) she's lopping the heads off statuary with the aforementioned steel hat while cackling madly. This girl is a fun date, you betcha.

Reality: It ain't what it used to be. .