Reader of the Pack

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Ah, memories. Remember the Clinton Juggernaut? Hillary Clinton was unstoppable. She had all this money. She was going to roll across the primary landscape like the Mongols across a steppe, sweeping all rivals aside.

At least that's what the press thought, way back then. And by "way back then," I mean six weeks ago.

Then, some pundits were predicting her exit from the race, or at least a major retooling and restructuring of her campaign. She was "vulnerable." She was "floundering." And all she did was lose the Iowa caucuses.

But wait! What's that? Hillary wins New Hampshire! Now it's Obama who's the one in trouble. And Edwards.

Argh. Two primaries and I'm already sick of the whole thing. And I'm usually a political junkie.

See, the thing is, a lot of the very media savants who predicted Hillary's imminent demise were the very same people acting as if Obama, Edwards, Richardson and -- wait a minute, don't tell me, I'll remember it in a second -- oh yeah, Kucinich, might as well not even show up.

And then, when she wins another primary, the same people are all yammering about the "Comeback Kid." These people switch positions faster and with even less shame than Mitt Romney, and I didn't even think that was possible.

It's powerfully reminiscent of the same stage in the 2004 presidential campaign. Before Iowa, Howard Dean was the juggernaut. He was unstoppable. He was raising funds like a preacher at a revival meeting. And then he lost Iowa, he went a little over the top in trying to rally his troops, resulting in the famous "Dean Scream," and the next thing you know, John Kerry was the Anointed One in the eyes of the same press who'd been calling Dean a lock for the nomination a couple of weeks before.

So what can we learn from this? Well, one thing we can learn is that no one knows anything, at least in the early stages of the campaign. In the seemingly endless run-up to primary season, and basically up until Super Tuesday, you should view any talking head or ink-stained wretch talking about "front runners" and "juggernauts" with the same wariness you'd show to a greasy guy in a bad comb-over and a cigar sticking out of his mouth, standing by the betting window at the track and whispering to you he's got a "sure thing, buddy, a sure thing."

Maybe it's just because I'm getting old and crotchety, but the press coverage of this primary campaign has caused me to use bad language, throw things at the TV, and grind my teeth to a previously unheard-of degree.

I mean, is it just me or does the press seem even more obsessed with irrelevant trivia this year than ever before? Why isn't Obama wearing an American flag pin? Is Giuliani actually taking cell phone calls from his wife during speeches? How much did John Edwards pay for a haircut? Should Mike Huckabee have done a "Merry Christmas" ad? Did Hillary tip her waitress?

And now, the latest brouhaha over whether Hillary cried on camera when speaking to an audience in New Hampshire, and what did it mean and whether it was real or faked and dear God, will these people for once think about something important? Frankly, from what I've seen, to call the American campaign press a pack of blithering idiots would be a legally actionable slander on the blithering idiot community.

Back in the '70s, writer Timothy Crouse, in his groundbreaking book "The Boys on the Bus," coined the term "pack journalism" to describe the phenomenon where members of the press, jammed together in close proximity day after day, start thinking alike, writing alike, and basically being afraid to break out and do any real digging or, you know, reporting. He recounted stories of editors calling reporters in the field and asking, "Are you sure about this story? (Insert name of big paper) doesn't have this."

Eventually, what happens is that certain themes develop that become the conventional wisdom: Obama's likeable. Hillary isn't. Gore was stiff and boring, except when he was claiming to have invented the Internet (a claim which, it bears repeating, Gore never actually made). McCain's a hothead, etc., etc. The problem is, "conventional" wisdom rarely is. Wisdom, that is.

Now, however, "pack journalism" is combined with an even more dangerous factor: the insatiable hunger of the 24-hour news networks. With all that time to fill, they have to talk about something. And, unfortunately, since talking about policy is, like, boring and stuff, what they seize on is the political equivalent of celebrity gossip.

Before too much longer, the only difference between CNN and E! is going to be that CNN shows more old white guys.

Why I Hate the Press

Walter Shapiro at Salon.com:

But there remains, at least in my mind, something elusive about Obama's political appeal. The crowds are consistently good in Iowa, as they are (mostly) for Hillary Clinton and John Edwards. The revamped stump speech -- which was unveiled Thursday in Des Moines and which I have also heard in Mount Pleasant (Saturday) and now Perry -- is rich in inspiration and light on policy prescriptions....To someone schooled in traditional politics, Obama's rhetoric does seem at times vague.

E.J. Dionne in The Washington Post:

At one campaign stop last week, as Hillary Clinton droned on learnedly about health care, family and medical leave, and global warming, a colleague in the press section leaned over to dismiss her for offering nothing but "a laundry list of wonkery."

In Which, Thanks to a Wednesday Deadline, Incisive Political Analysis Takes a Back Seat to Snark and Mockery.

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By the time you read this column, the Iowa caucuses will be over. Since I have a midweek deadline, I won't be able to comment on the results. So I'll just spend another column making fun of the candidates.

And let me tell you, the candidates, Republican and Democrat, gave us plenty of value for our entertainment dollar while stumping in Iowa and New Hampshire.

Hillary Clinton, who can't seem to decide whether her gender is a significant factor in whether people should vote for her, suggested that the format of the Iowa caucuses is hard on women because they're all shy and retiring and stuff. In an interview with Meredith Viera, Clinton noted that, in contrast to a primary, at a caucus "you have to go stand in a corner and say 'I'm with this person'," and women "would rather just keep their vote to themselves."

Gee, Hillary, you must be hanging out with a different group of women than I know.

A bizarre moment came when former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee (Slogan: "God Says Vote for Me") held a press conference to announce that he wasn't going to run a negative campaign. And to prove it, he used multiple big-screen TV's to show the negative ad he'd decided he wasn't going to run against Mitt Romney.

Let me say that again: Huck said he wasn't going to run the ad, then showed it to the national press so they'd report its contents for free. This undoubtedly saved Huckabee millions of dollars he'd have normally spent buying ad time. Genius? Hypocrite? You make the call.

Huckabee also had a great moment when asked about the National Intelligence Estimate that came out in early December, the one that reported that Iran had shut down its nuke program a few years ago. You know, the report that would have embarrassed the Bush administration if they had any shame. The day the report hit the news, Huckabee was asked if he'd read it.

Now, this was an unfair question, as one doubts that the reporter who asked the question had read the report by then either. And Huckabee's response was pretty classic: "President Bush didn't read it for four years; I don't know why I should read it in four hours."

Oh, snap! Too bad he didn't leave it there. Because later, Huck inserted his foot firmly into his mouth: "On the campaign trail, nobody's going to be able, if they've been campaigning as hard as we have been, to keep up with every single thing, from what happened to Britney last night to who won 'Dancing with the Stars.' "

Umm ... Mike? While there are probably a lot of people who'd rank the importance of knowing about a National Intelligence Estimate with knowing the latest news about Britney Spears, we don't really want any of them running the country.

It also seems that, whether or not he keeps up with the latest Brit bits, he's pretty up on the latest news about her little sister. When it was announced that 16-year- old Jamie Lynn Spears was pregnant and was going to keep the baby, Huck jumped in the same day with his opinion, "That is the right decision, a good decision, and I respect that and appreciate it. I hope it is not an encouragement to other 16-year-olds who think that is the best course of action." Glad to know Huck has his priorities in order.

Then of course, there's Mitt Romney (Slogan: "Better Hair Than John Edwards, and Probably Cheaper"). After Huckabee made the statement that President Bush's "arrogant bunker mentality" had been "counterproductive," Mitt saddled up his high horse to demand that Huck apologize to the Boy King. Romney, however, had his own criticism of Bush's handling of Iraq a few weeks later.

"I think we did a less than effective job in managing the conflict following the collapse of Saddam Hussein," Romney said. "I think we were underprepared for what occurred, understaffed, underplanned, and, in some respects, undermanaged." He then tried to explain how "underprepared and undermanaged" wasn't an insult to His Majesty King George, and "arrogant" was.

Looks like Slick Mitty seems to be the Republican who has the best grasp of the only core principle the Republicans have left, which is "It's OK If I Do It."

Romney also isn't above, shall we say, a little laxness with the truth. He criticized Sen. John McCain's immigration plan as granting "amnesty" for illegal immigrants because it allowed said immigrants to gain legal status if they jumped through certain hoops. Problem is, when the same plan was proposed in 2005, Romney told The Boston Globe the same provisions were "reasonable" and that they weren't amnesty.

Ah, so many politicians, so few column inches. We'll be back next week with more mockery.

The Real Shock From Tonight's Caucuses

Yahoo! News: Democratic Sen. Chris Dodd of Connecticut was set to abandon his bid for the Democratic presidential nomination Thursday after a poor showing in Iowa's precinct caucuses.

This was a particular shock, because most of us had forgotten that Dodd was still running.

Farewell, Flash Harry

The Rap Sheet: George McDonald Fraser dies at age 82

Fraser's best-known character, Harry Paget Flashman, VC KCB KCIE, is one of my favorite anti-heroes in all of literature. A cad, a drunk, a bully, and above all a yellow-livered coward, Harry's saving grace was his blunt and hilarious honesty as he described his rise to become, in spite of himself, one of the great military heroes of Victorian Britain. And, along the way, Fraser managed to teach a painless lesson about one of the most fascinating periods of world history.

R.I.P. Mr. Fraser. You will be missed.

Hat tip to Bill Crider .

A New Countdown Begins....

BREAKING COVER is now apparently available for pre-order at Amazon.com, at Borders, and, one supposes, at your local bookstore as well. Drop date appears to be July 22.

Those who are inclined to do your Humble Blogger a solid may wish to generate buzz by pre-ordering at any of the above, so that St. Martin's will hear of your deep and abiding love for me and be encouraged to feel likewise. Just a suggestion.

BTW, BC is not, as reported on Amazon, part of the Keller series. It's a standalone.