Saturday, March 31, 2007

What Is This World Coming To?

Dunfermline, Scotland: A pub regular has been barred from his favourite Dunfermline boozer – for indiscriminate wind breaking.

Management at the bar say Stewart Laidlaw “revels” in his bouts of flatulence and other punters have almost been sick after exposure to the foul smells.

Mr Laidlaw (35), who is furious at the ban by Thirsty Kirsty’s, is thought to be the first person in West Fife to be barred for breaking wind.

The James Street pub’s owner says the stench has become unbearable since Scotland’s smoking ban came in last year but suspects drinkers could have been breathing in the waft for years before without noticing it.

Former Woodmill High School pupil Mr Laidlaw, who lives in Edinburgh, admits he may have broken wind in the pub in the past but claims the ban by landlord John Thow is “petty”.

The Harvey Nichols stock assistant told the Press, “I went in and basically he turned round and said, ‘Stewart, that’s the last fart you do in this pub. Get out.’

Next thing you know they'll be banning puking on your shoes and pissing in doorways on the way home.

1 comment:

Patrick Shawn Bagley said...

I once banned a guy from my bookstore for farting. He'd been coming in for months, just walking up and down the aisles, farting the whole time. Like the gas was what kept him moving. We could see him laughing, and the other customers complained about the smell. He'd spend at least an hour in the store, browsing and cutting these trumpet-blast farts, and never buying anything. One day I had enough and told him to leave and that he couldn't come back.