I Don't Know About This...

So, I hear that the Coen Brothers are remaking the John Wayne classic TRUE GRIT, with Jeff Bridges in the John Wayne role.

I've got to say, I'm a little conflicted about this. On the one hand, I think the Brothers Coen are absolute geniuses, and I think if anyone can do a good job, it's them.

On the other hand, why remake a movie that's already a classic? And do they really think The Dude can deliver one of my favorite bad-ass movie lines as well as the Duke? You know the line I mean...



"FILL YOUR HANDS, YOU SON OF A BITCH! "

Sigh. I dunno...

Affirmations

John Rogers, at Kung Fu Monkey, re-runs an older, yet timely column that addresses the question: "Wait, Arent You Scared?"
His answer?

Errr, no. And if you are, you frankly should be a little goddamn embarrassed.

In the days after the latest failed attack, while the usual fear-mongers are telling us this is all Obama's fault, and idiots on CNN were demanding to know why he didn't go on TV that very night to hold our hands, hand us our blankies, and tuck us in, it's refreshing to find someone else whose attitude is "Hey, man the hell up, already!" My favorite passage:

Maybe it's just, I cast my eyes back on the last century ...

FDR: Oh, I'm sorry, was wiping out our entire Pacific fleet supposed to intimidate us? We have nothing to fear but fear itself, and right now we're coming to kick your ass with brand new destroyers riveted by waitresses. How's that going to feel?

CHURCHILL: Yeah, you keep bombing us. We'll be in the pub, flipping you off. I'm slapping Rolls-Royce engines into untested flying coffins to knock you out of the skies, and then I'm sending angry Welshmen to burn your country from the Rhine to the Polish border.

US. NOW: BE AFRAID!! Oh God, the Brown Bad people could strike any moment! They could strike ... NOW!! AHHHH. Okay, how about .. NOW!! AAGAGAHAHAHHAG! Quick, do whatever we tell you, and believe whatever we tell you, or YOU WILL BE KILLED BY BROWN PEOPLE!! PUT DOWN THAT SIPPY CUP!!

... and I'm just a little tired of being on the wrong side of that historical arc.

Damn straight.

Which leads us to our inspirational book recommendation. I just finished one of my Christmas presents, a book by Ben Thompson entitled BADASS. Subtitled "A Relentless Onslaught of the Toughest Warlords, Vikings, Samurai, Pirates, Gunfighters, and Military Commanders Who Ever Lived." Written in a rollicking, hilarious style, BADASS details the careers of some of history's greatest ass-kickers, both well-known (like Genghis Khan), and some more obscure (like "Mad Jack" Churchill, the British Commando who went into battle against the Nazis with a longbow, a quiver full of arrows, and an honest-to-God broadsword strapped across his back).

Check both out, and let them remind us all that, in Rogers' words:

God gave me a brain, and a modicum of spine. Taking something seriously, and panicking over it are two different things.

Oh. My. God.

Canadian Governor general skins seal, eats heart

Governor General Michaëlle Jean, on the first day of her trip to the Arctic, gutted a freshly slaughtered seal, pulled out its raw heart — and ate it.

Hundreds of Inuit at a community festival in Rankin Inlet gathered around as she made a gesture of solidarity with the country’s beleaguered seal hunters.

Jean knelt above a pair of carcasses and used a traditional blade to slice the meat off the skin.

After repeated, vigorous cuts through the flesh the Queen’s representative turned to the woman beside her and asked enthusiastically if she could try the heart.

Afterward Jean used a tissue to wipe her blood-soaked fingers, and explain her gesture of solidarity with the region’s Inuit hunters.

Y'know, I confess, I always thought of Canadians as kind of laid back. Not wimpy exactly, but not the kind of bad-asses who'd "enthusiastically" cut the bleeding warm heart from a seal and chow down on it.

I apologize. I got it wrong. Your leaders are insane. We're talking batshit crazy on a Ted Nugent level. I'm beginning to see why the Russians never fucked with you people. I'm thinking Hillary Clinton needs to go on TV, rip the heart out of a grizzly bear and consume it on live TV, then turn to the camera with blood on her teeth and ask Kim Jong-Il if he'd like to cut the bullshit with the missile tests and return to the six-party talks.

I'm reasonably sure it would work.

Concentrated Essence of Awesome

Bruce Lee playing Ping Pong.

With nunchucks.

Need I say more?



Hat tip to Ain't It Cool News.

Yeah, it's probably CGI. Still.

Great Moments in Badassery, III

Tequila!

Chow Yung Fat. John Woo. What more needs to be said?

Great Moments In Badassery, II

From one of the greatest Westerns ever made: The Outlaw Josey Wales.





Now, the "Dyin' ain't much of a livin', boy" line gets all the respect, but I love:

"I had to come back."

"I know."

Great Moments in Badassery

Omar comin', y'all!

One of my all time favorite moments from The Wire.

Kick-Ass Chick of the Day

cbs2.com: (CBS) PALM SPRINGS, Calif. A murder suspect armed with an Uzi sub-machine gun led police on a high speed car chase through Palm Springs and a foot pursuit thereafter before being detained, police said.

The pursuit ensued about 4 a.m. when a silver Pontiac Grand Am with a burned out license plate lamp tried to elude a pursuing police car on Palm Canyon Drive, according to a Palm Springs Police Department statement. The pursuit reached speeds of 70 mph.

After making a U-turn on Bogart Trail, the Pontiac sped through residential streets, 'often on the wrong side of the roadway,' according to the statement.

A flat tire forced the suspect and his accomplice to abandon the Pontiac in the 2800 block of Palm Canyon Drive and flee in opposite directions.

The pursuing officer, with one year of experience on the force, chased the driver, identified as Jason Lee Gillespie, 29, of San Diego, and grabbed him as he attempted to scale a wall. Police noted that the officer is a 5-foot-2 woman and the suspect is 6 foot 5 and weighs 235 pounds.

A backup officer arrived as the woman yanked the suspect off the wall. That was when police noticed Gillespie had an Uzi strapped to his shoulder. The suspect was disarmed and detained without a shot fired.

Heh. Absolutely bad-ass. I do loves me some tough girls.

Thanks to alert reader Stephen Blackmoore for this one.